The Demon's Whispers

32- Needing In

"The baby was a girl." He whispers.

I nod "Amelia. I named her Amelia."

"It's a beautiful name."

"I never got to meet her, she died in me. Because I was too broken when I thought Cody had died. I didn't eat, I killed my own baby. I failed as a mother."

His hand tightened. "You didn't know. Did you?"

I shook my head.

"Then it cannot be your fault. Perhaps this was Gods way in telling you that she was too precious to be born."

A tear rolled down my cheek at his words. "That's what I think too."

"Then it has to be right. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I will never do it again. I promise, you can throat punch me again if it makes you feel better?"

A laugh escapes my lips as I wipe my tears away.

"Please don't cry." He soothes wiping my cheeks, his warm hands supporting my face as I inhaled his cologne. "I'd take a bullet for you too, by the way."

I open my eyes to see him watching me carefully. "You didn't put yourself in front of me though." I point out.

He smiles sheepishly "He wouldn't shoot you. You're too important to both of us."

"This is all such a mess." I whisper as I pull apart a cotton ball.

"Life can be a mess, but love makes it manageable. What Cody said, is it true?"

Knowing he meant Cody's conclusion on me loving Zak, I shrugged "I feel so much. It's overwhelming."

His hands move over my face, brushing my hair behind my ear whilst his fingertips brush my cheeks. I stay sat in front of him as he maps my features in.

"Please give me another chance, you know we are fire together.."

"But we also get burnt Zak."

"Not this time. I was just looking for an in with you, I knew I messed up but by then it was too late. Leah, I really like you and if I have to keep coming here everyday and taking a beating, I'll do it."

"That's not going to happen."

"But I wou—" he pauses and looks around the lounge. "Where is he sleeping?"

Ah shit..

I remain tight lipped but can see the emotion in Zak's eyes shut down "Oh. Right..."

"It's not–"

"That's why you don't want to give me another chance. Because you've got him back." He answers himself.

Pulling his hands away, he wipes them down his jeans in stress before standing up, making me rise with him. His eyes avoid mine as he pushes his hands into his pockets.

"I should probably just go. Umm. Look I'm sorry for what I did. I uh.. I won't bother you again. I'll stay away." He concludes heading to the door.

"I wish you would." My voice cracks. Zak looks over at me before lowering his head. "Bother me, that is. I wish you would bother with me..."

He shakes his head "Don't play with me Leah. I get it, I messed up. But I've come here and been honest with you. I've said all I can say. But I will say that I am sorry for going behind your back and letting Bacon pull some unforgiving tactics."

"I haven't been honest with you though." I answer back. "Cody is sleeping in the bedroom. But he's on the floor. That I can prove. We also aren't back together. I just know he's struggling with things right now and he's running away. As wrong as this all seems, I feel I owe him this, support that is. For Amelia, for the man I used to love."

"And what about you? Who will support you when you need it?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know.." I blinked away the tears.

Zak shook his head. "Just tell me what you want, if there's any hope then you have to tell me before I leave..."

"It's not that simple."

"Yes, it is. Just tell me if you feel anything for me!"

"You know I do." I answer him honestly.

"Then why are we wasting time being unhappy? If we both want the same thing then why are we fighting this?"

"Because I can't cut myself in half! I can't be there for you, for Cody and still look after me. I can't do it."

"You don't need to look after me, Leah." He stresses coming back to me. "I just need you to tell me what you want. If you want me to go, then I'll go."

His forehead comes down and rests on mine, pushing the chaos out of my mind and replacing it with calm. I feel my body relax against him as I inhale his scent and steal his warmth.

"Tell me you want me, Leah." He whispered coaxing my aching soul to the surface, the one I've buried beneath many masks the fast three days.

"I'm too complicated, I have too much baggage."

"Bullshit. Just tell me. Go on."

I open my mouth to speak as his lips brush across mine tempting me to reveal my emotions. He is subtle but skilful in his persuasions and despite how much I wanted to hate him, a part of me couldn't.

"I... I want yo—"

His lips sink on mine, stealing the words and the oxygen from my lungs, his large hands holding my throat, feeling my pulse run rapidly under my skin. He knew my secret, he knew all of them now...

Zak pulls back gently and observes my face waiting for a splice of anger, but I'm so taken with the movement, I have barely recovered making him smile. "I will help find Cody the best help, I'll pay for the best team, I promise you, I will support you. Just give me a chance to set things right."

"I can't let you do that. He's not your responsibility." I answer quietly.

"He's not yours either. But Cody and I share an interest, and that's you.. Please?" He begs.

Would it hurt to ask for some help? To rely on someone else or at least seek some emotional support for when I felt like the sky was coming down?"

"Okay.." I whisper causing a smile to curve his lips.

"Okay? Okay good."

"I've missed you." I admit.

This time the smile is evident, there's no hiding it as he nuzzles his nose against mine.

"I missed you to. But I have to go.."

I frown when he pulls away. "W-what? Where?" I ask as he opens the front door.

"Well it's almost 4am."

"Exactly." I reply.

"Which is why you're going to get yourself back to bed for some sleep." He answers.

"Whilst you do what?"

Then he answered, making my heart warm with his kindness and blood run cold with his stupidness at the same time.

"Whilst I go and find Cody, and bring him home."