What do you do for some down time? Read a book? Take a bath? Go for a walk? Have generous naps?
All logical and quiet normal suggestions. But what happens when you're a man who has a museum, TV show, dog, a fan base, and is currently without a PA?
Z...
Routine took over itself and before long I was changed, letting Gracie out for the toilet before I took off out into the night.
I tried to keep my mind clear, but the screams I gave out in my dream, haunted my mind. It made me feel hot and clammy with anxiety every time a flash of blood flipped through my mind.
Blood.
Oil.
Groans.
Heavy breathing.
Cries.
Pain.
Nails.
Screams.
Silence...
The images stopped and the pain evaporated.
Sweet perfume filled my nose, a gentle wait sat on my legs, soft fingers threaded through my hair and a pair of lips kissed my throat.
"Hey baby.." The honey like voice would whisper, bringing me to the present. Calming my nerves and easing me into the here and now. Her therapeutic fingers working any tension from my shoulders or arms. Sometimes I'd feel her nails, as they gently brush my scalp as they try to guide my hair behind my ears.
My eyes would find hers, deep, connected and soft. Fluttering at me with patience and understand as I struggled to deal with the spiritual battle I was having.
"Leah.." I rasped, feeling as if I was going to fall back into the dark abyss of my mind.
Her lips would press against mine gently, the strawberry lip balm tickled my tastebuds as our tongues mingled.
"I'm right here." She would hum, bringing me back in.
Like a moth to the flame.
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Present.
The yell died out into the nights air as I sat bolt up right in bed. Sweat beads rolled down off my temple slowly as I huffed at the air trying to get oxygen into my lungs.
I was back there. Back in the room. Back in the dark corner of my mind that I thought had disappeared months ago. But I was wrong. It was still there, laying dormant, waiting..
The sickly feeling covered my body as I pushed the sheet off my legs and placed them over the side of the bed. My body still trembling from the fear that I had gone through in those moments.
"Come on..." I whispered. Before anger filled my system. My fists clenched as the images came into my mind, ready to taunt.
"Come on!" I growled loudly thumping my fists into the side of my head, trying to thump the pain out, whilst causing a little more.
Reaching for my phone, I checked the time and sighed. 3.21am.
My mind went back to the room, the blood, the groans, the cries, the pain, the screams and the heaviness. But one thing had changed....
I wasn't alone.
The fear looked real in her eyes, the pain in my soul when I saw her being harmed tore me apart. I couldn't help her, I couldn't save her. I couldn't shield her from harm. I had to watch.
My hands shook and with trembling fingers I typed out yet another message to her.
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I hit send and then realise how pathetic I sounded.
The nightmares. Boo fucking hoo. Her ex boyfriend was front line. Zak you're a pussy. No wonder she left. She needs a real man.
I yelled out as my fist connected with the side of my head again, trying to shut my brain up from its taunt.
Three days and I was falling apart. How did I cope before? Was I coping before?
Or was I under some false pretence that I had my shit together? Probably that..
I couldn't handle this anymore, I was going to see her. Even if I had to go and knock on the damn door...
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Question: What do you get when you have a very tired, emotional & confused Zak, aaaaand a 3am unannounced visit, with Leah & her clingy ex?
