Saved By A Bad Boy

[38]. Figuring it Out...

At some point, I had cried myself to sleep in Jax's arms. I knew this, because I awoke to him carrying me away from the library, to his bedroom. My head was on his shoulder, my face pressed against the crook of his neck.

The hallway was dark as he mounted another flight of stairs. It must be late now. I wasn't ready to go home, and as Jax laid me on his bed, I knew that he wouldn't make me leave.

"Hey," he whispered when he realized I was awake. He brushed the hair away from my face, then briefly left my side. It wasn't until I sat up on my forearms that I realized just how exhausted I was. The emotional bomb today had drained me of all my energy.

I looked at Jax across the room. He was going through his dresser. When he came back, he had a pair of his boxers, socks, and one of his big sweatshirts.

"Here, you can change into these," he said, placing them before me. He was watching me warily, probably searching for any symptoms of another mental breakdown.

"Do you think...um, is it okay if I shower?" I croaked. My voice was hoarse from crying.

"Yeah, of course," he answered quickly. "Can I help you get there?" I nodded. I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to get there without his help. I managed to sit up on my own, but from there I couldn't really move. My legs were trembling. I had just about crashed.

But I had to shower.

Troy's hands were on me today.

I needed to shower.

Jax placed a hand on my back. He was barely touching me. I knew it. Even though he had assured me that he still cared about me, of course he didn't want to touch me. I was used and in poor-condition. 

"You...y-you don't have to help me," I said weakly. "I can do it." He stopped and looked up at me. I could see something shift in his eyes.

"You don't want me to?" he replied. He looked almost...hurt?

"No, no, that's not it," I quickly countered. "It's just...after...everything...I mean, you don't have to." A knowing expression fell upon his features. He knew what I meant. And - to my surprise - he leaned in closer to me.

"Lis, I don't want to make you uncomfortable," he began, then whispered in my ear, "But if it's okay with you, I really, really want to help you. It would make me feel a lot better." He tilted his head back so that I could look into his eyes again, and see how sincere he was.

So he wanted to? Really?

"Okay, I'd like that, too," I said. His hand returned to my back. So he didn't want to make me uncomfortable?

It was crazy. I was messed up, and for the most part, I couldn't trust a guy at all. And I'd never want one touching me. But as for Jax...he had never made me uncomfortable with his touch. Because I knew that he wouldn't hurt me.

And even though I couldn't imagine how he could still love me, it wasn't hard to believe.

« « « » » »

"Hey, Lis?"

I woke with a start at the sound of someone knocking on the door. I looked around, dazed. I was in the bathroom?

I was sitting on the edge of his bathtub, my head leaned against the wall. The shower wasn't running anymore, at least, but I was only wrapped in a towel. Shoot. I had fallen asleep.

"Hey, are you okay?" he continued. His voice was dripping with worry.

"I'm coming. Sorry," I whispered. My voice refused to go any louder, so I had to speak right against the door. My feet were begging me to sit down again, but I still had to get dressed. Come on, Alyssa, finish up.