In a Heartbeat (MxM)

Chapter 1

A/N: Mentions suicide and death

Chapter 1:

Simon's POV

I was standing outside my childhood home, a home I hadn't been near in nearly a decade. My entire family, and top pack betas standing around me. To my right, as expected, stood the alpha, my mate, glaring at my family and I. My heart ached.

I was having that dream again. More like a nightmare, really. It was like no matter how hard I tried to scream and fight to wake myself up, the events that happened would replay vividly. It always felt so real, as if I had been sucked back to my 16th year, watching the murder and rejection happen all over again. Except for this time, the events would happen slower, as if in slow motion, as I was hopeless to watch agonizingly as I couldn't do anything to change anything. It was a memory, a terrible memory that couldn't be erased, no matter how much I tried.

The alpha, Vince, stood in all his glory, as I had remembered. He was twenty at the time but had already taken over his father's position, not even a year before. He was cocky, arrogant, and most people disliked his attitude, but who could really blame him. His father, the respected alpha had perished during a routine morning run exercise, and his mother was mourning the loss of her mate. Vince had barely been eighteen when he took over, barely old enough to comprehend any of his father's duties.

He stood alongside his brother, Xavier, and his childhood friends, Lucas, Craig, and his cousin Dwaine, all of whom were training to be betas. All of them were intimidating, they had to be as future leaders of the pack. They looked as frightening as ever, glaring at me with a hatred I've never seen before.

And I looked at my family. All of them standing in our front yard, a mixture of confusion and fear on each of their faces. Time seemed to slow almost to a stop, as I looked at every single person.

To Marcus, who recently turned fourteen, who loved to argue with me about silly little things. He was still wearing his PJs and his hair was a mess, as he loved to sleep in and play video games on Saturday. Mom had hated how lazy he was, but he always made sure to include Austin in any video game.

To Austin, at ten, was pretty mature for his age. He'd often help me watch the younger siblings, offering to fold laundry and take out the trash because he wanted to be as strong as our dad. He and Marcus were like two peas in a pod, following each other around. Out of the two of them, Austin was easily smarter, a bookworm by heart, but didn't mind attempting to beat Marcus at his games.

And then there was Paige, the middle child between Marcus and Austin. She adored our mom and loved to bake cookies and cakes with her. Despite barely reaching the kitchen counter, Paige would be able to memorize recipes faster than her multiplication table. She always hated being the middle child, wanting to grow up and catch up with the rest of her older siblings.

I looked to Monica who was clutching onto my older sister, Nicole's pants. She was five, wearing her favorite dress Nicole had bought her last year. She held onto her teddy bear to her chest, hiding her face in Nicole's pants. She didn't like how scary the betas were glaring at them. I wanted to reach down and hug her. Tell her everything was going to be okay, even though I knew it wasn't. It was sad to see her like this. She was confident, proud, even eager to attend her first day at school in a few months. Here, she was petrified, unsure of what was going on.

I looked at my parents. Huddled together, with the youngest in their arms, Stephen. My mother was sobbing, her whole body shaking in fear as she clutched Stephen to her chest. My father trying unsuccessfully to calm her nerves as he rubbed her back.  He was glaring at Vince in confusion. My father had been a loyal Delta, a runner for the hunting party. The same guilt feeling pooled in my heart. My father hadn't known. He thought Vince was targeting our family because of him, not because of me. Only Nicole and my mother had known about Vince being my mate. None of my siblings had known. They had no part in this. The same question my father had was screaming at me too. Why.

From confusion to anger, my father shouted at Vince and the betas. He was openly questioning their authority. It was an offense, but understandable. They were threatening his family, his wife and kids were at stake. But as my sister and mother warned, Vince saw no mercy. Once his father died, he was angry, out for blood and vengeance. His mother was dying from the loss of her mate, it was only fair Vince was angry.

But no one had expected this. Instead of a simple rejection, Vince was out for blood. And I had caused it.

And instead of painting him as an alpha with a male mate, he pinned the murder of his father on my father.

Treason, he had called it. And his solution, death.

And like clockwork, the tears fell like waterfalls. I looked at my sister, Nicole. The first person I confided in about Vince. The first person I could trust with my life. We had kept it a secret for months, avoiding Vince. She had her own secret mate as well, a beta, who was a few days from being sixteen. We had kept each other's secrets, hoping that her mate would accept her first before we even attempted to approach Vince. She was looking at me, trying to reassure me, despite what was going to happen.

It's okay, Simon, she had mind linked me. It's not your fault.

My hands had clenched, knuckles turning white. I wanted nothing more to say the things I couldn't say, to do the things I couldn't do. Anything to prevent this from happening. To wipe the look of hurt, confusion, and fear from their faces.

Looking at all my siblings like this hurt. I couldn't watch this again. Whatever memory or nightmare this was, I couldn't watch this again.

I stared at my hands, now unclenched. Staring at it long enough, I could see blood. Smeared on my hands, coating my arms, clothes, everything. Their blood, staining my hands. I closed my eyes, flashes of their bodies on the ground. Blood staining the grass of our front lawn. The awful glow of Vince and the beta's eyes as their bloodlust took over. The shouts and cries for help flooding my ears.

I stared at my hands again, blood-free. Clean, unmarred, as if their blood was never there.

Of course, it's my fault, I wanted to scream. I had killed them.

I wanted to punch something, fight something, anything to wipe that look of Vince and the betas when they attacked them. I wanted blood. I wanted my vengeance too. For each and every one of my siblings, my parents. They didn't deserve to be murdered. If anything, it should've been me.

My claws elongated as I stared at my blood-free arms. I want blood. And before I could talk myself out of it, my claws pierced my arms, blood coating them. My dream had flickered and I no longer was I on the front lawn of my childhood home. But inside the bathroom tub of the motel, I had been staying in. Blood had dripped in rivulets, joining the pink water filling the tub. No matter how much deeper my claws dug, I couldn't feel a thing. Despite the heaviness and pain in my heart, it wasn't painful. It was frustrating really. All I wanted was to take away their pain, erase the suffering they endured, but nothing I did, all the blood hadn't done a thing. Only made me sleepy, which didn't make any sense, I was already asleep. But the drowsiness soon consumed me, so I rested my head on the side of the tub, letting the soothing sound of running water lull me back into unconsciousness.