In Your Own Words

10. SUBJECT: PETER

CW: This chapter discusses mental illness and suicidal ideation. If you have questions or thoughts on my work, please don't hesitate to open that conversation up with me!

to: cassandra.belford@baderu.com

from: weston.maguire@baderu.com

subject: Something to make you laugh (I hope)

sent: February 19, 2017 at 3:25pm

Hi Cassie,

So, I gave it a lot of thought, you know, what to write to you. I think I'd like to make you laugh. All of this writing to you has made me feel like I could be a writer, too. Maybe not an author, because I don't usually have the patience to read entire books, let alone write them. I think, if I were a pro, I would be a playwright.

So I'm sending you a play that I wrote---it's a Weston Maguire Original. Enjoy.

Okay, so the play (which I admit to making up as I go) would be about a cult. Not like a creepy cult from a documentary, but a funny one.

I'd name them Saviours of True Divinity, so that everyone refers to them as STDs.

The play is about a kid who has been born into the cult. Hercules. His parents named him that because of the strength it implies, but everyone at his school calls him Herpes (you know, because of the STD thing).

I'm realizing that while I'm getting a laugh out of this, you probably think it's incredibly stupid.

I'm sorry, but I've already committed to the bit.

Anyway, Hercules/Herpes is a smart kid who has some doubts about the cult and begins to think that everyone at school might have a point about the Saviours of True Divinity.

He's knitting a scarf (I've decided that the cult was started by an old hippie grandma who sold her knitting. So now everyone knits scarves and mittens and then sells the stuff they knit to the outsiders) and he wonders if every stitch is an opportunity he is missing. It'd be like half cult, half craft show.

Maybe he'd even sing a song about it.

The opening scene of the play would be Hercules, only five years old, presenting at his kindergarten show and tell.

The children are all in uniform, (I've decided that this whole thing is in England, so picture everyone with an accent) but young Hercules is wearing a Jesus looking robe. You know, because that's what people in cults wear.

Teacher: So, tell us, Hercules, what have you brought in today for show and tell.

Herc: I brought in my first scarf! (holds a short, skinny piece of yarn out to the class)

Teacher: A scarf?

Herc: Yes. This is the first scarf I made, and it represents my commitment to my church!

Teacher: (Chuckles nervously) it's a bit thin, isn't it?

(The audience starts to see that the teacher is right---the scarf is a metaphor for the child's relationship to the cult---thin. They begin to nod and murmur. It's intricate storytelling.)

In another scene, probably the climax of the play, Hercules would tell his parents about his doubts and start shaking the piece of yarn/scarf and tell them that they're knitting lies. The ending would involve a big dance number that references The Need for Knitting Needles.

Okay, okay, I'm done. Thanks for reading all that.

I know my play is shit. I'll save you the trouble of telling me. It was just me trying to be funny. I like emailing you, but I'm not much of a writer. For a while there, I thought I might be a good teacher. I applied to the teacher's college, but it doesn't look like I'm getting in this year.