I Know I Messed Up Bad

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    *there is no mistake in the times it's sorta like diary entries for this chapter*


    A hand hits me across the face, waking me up with a jolt. Eli. I remember everything now, why I had to leave for Dan's safety. I feel so bad, why did I do this to the poor boy. Oh wait, to keep him safe. It's been a week, and all I can think about is Dan, how cute he looked wearing one of my hoodies, or how he looked when he was asleep. Oh my god I want Dan back.

"You need to clean up the house." Eli slurs, probably drunk, as I slowly get up.

The bruises line my body, as do the burns. Why did I go back to him? I could've just called the police. As I begin to clean the house I feel tears well at my eyes. Am I going to do this again? Really? Am I going through this again, well apparently I am.


It's been a month since he left me, I've been doing what I used to do. Go out and drink, party, and go out randomly with guys. Nothing seems to give any relief to the gaping hole in my heart though. Those blue eyes, the pink lip ring, and the raven black hair. Oh please get out of my head.

I'm gonna be your Bubblegum bitch.

Finally that song is over, as I collect my money off the stage, before walking to the locker rooms. I see PJ getting ready to go on stage, as I put my money in my bag and change. Walking out the back door into the cold night air, I'm met with a guy who I've never seen before. He has dark brown eyes, with beach blonde hair pushed back.

"Wanna come to my place tonight?" He smiles, holding out about $300. I comply, before walking hand and hand with the stranger. He passes me a water, and I take it, downing it quickly, but I taste a strange taste. Oh my god he drugged me.


   It's been two months since I left him. I want to die. Suicide seems like my only option.


It's been 4 months since I left Dan. I haven't texted or called him, considering Eli took my phone I can't really do anything. My body hurts. I'm surprised I'm walking. The burns that go across my back and stomach, making it hard to breathe or move. The burns are fresh, probably 15 minutes old? They still sear in pain, as I wither and scream. I'm shocked the neighbors haven't called the cops yet. Tears well in my eyes, but I notice something on his nightstand. My phone. It's then I hear a loud knock on the door.

"Police! Open up!" I hear a voice yell through the door, and I see Eli frantically running to the door.

He's screwed if they find me. Please find me, I can't even move without extreme pain. I hear footsteps coming to the room, and cries of protest from Eli, as a police officer opens a door. I feel a sense of relief flow over me, as I lay there shirtless with burns stinging over my body.

"Please help me." I croak, the last thing before I fade into an unconscious world.

When I come too, I panic, looking around for Eli.

"Eli isn't here, it's just me, please relax." I hear a familiar male voice whisper uneasily. Like they aren't sure what to do with themselves. Dan.

I look around, and see a face I've wanted to see for 4 months, standing in a corner awkwardly. His soft brown hair, with unruly curls hasn't changed at all. The light from his brown eyes faded though, they are a more dull-grayish color. He's also gotten thinner, he was thin before, but now he's reached a scary skinny. It's shown by his outfit, it must be Friday or Saturday because he's wearing a pair of black overalls, with a regular shirt on top of it to hide what he's wearing.

"Phil I know now that you didn't just randomly cheat on me, you did it to protect me. Dear god Phil, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Dan, really I would've done the same thing." I reassure him.

"Can I sit on the edge of your bed?" He asks hesitantly.

I nod, as a nurse comes in to check vitals. She takes my blood pressure, while getting my heart rate.

"Everything is normal." She smiles, before walking out.

I see Dan sit on the edge of my bed, tears forming in his eyes.

"I'm so, so sorry." He reaches a hand out, and I flinch on instinct.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise." He takes my hand in his, holding the hand without an IV somewhat tightly.

  This is what I miss, love that doesn't come with a price. Love that just comes naturally, and no abuse. Although I probably deserved it. I'm on pain meds, I must be, considering I can barely feel the burns. Also I can't keep a single thought for more than two seconds, which isn't good.

I start to fall into an uneasy but calm state, as Dan sits there running his thumb gently across my hand.

"Phil it's been 6 months, you think it has been four? Phil you went through that for 6 months and it's all my fault." He starts to cry, covering his face with his hand, considering the other one is still holding mine.

"How long have I been out for?" I ask hesitantly.

"In and out for 2 days. Apparently you can leave in about two days." He explains quickly, he's rushing, he's nervous.

"Hey calm down, stop rushing it's gonna be okay. I'm okay."

   "No you aren't Phil, none of this is fucking okay. You are sitting here with burns and bruises all over you. You went with an abuser, who you knew would do this to you. Stop trying to tell me it's all okay, because currently it's not okay." He continues to rush, arms moving frantically, as I flinch slightly. I've honestly never seen him so worried before.

   "Dan please calm down." He noticed my flinching, and immediately stopped.

   "For 6 months, I've just sat there while a couple minutes away you were going through torture."

    "Is this a bad time to say that I'm still in love with you?" I ask.

    He laughs a tearful laugh, but a genuine one.

   "No you spork." Dan smiles, pushing my hair out of my face, his fingers delicately tracing my features. He tries to avoid the bruises, and he does quite well.

   I missed this. His delicate touch, slender fingers, they aren't the rough touches or punches from Eli.

    "I missed you." I mumble tiredly.

     "I've missed you too. Can I please give you a hug?" He asks me.

  I nod, giving consent. He's careful and gentle, just lightly wrapping his arms around me, avoiding my burns. I bury my head into his chest, as I start to cry. It's an emotional rollercoaster, honestly. A lot of crying, hugs, and just love. His warm, and protective arms all I need at the current time.

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