The Demon's Whispers

14 - Break the mourn

"But you... I... You are dead."

"I'm dying, yes. We all are. Every single day. But I am not dead yet."

"But you got buried. You had the guns and the flag..." I insist.

"I need you to drink some of this and I'll then explain."

I choke a sob and sip at the coffee as he brings it to my mouth again. The liquid is scolding hot and I whimper as it slides down my throat.

"Can I touch you?" He asks.

"I'm scared." I admit.

"I know." He places a hand on my knee and looks at the photos of us "You kept them all. I saw them and the clothes when I came in. It's like I never left."

"But you did. You left me.."

"I didn't mean to. Sweetheart, I need you to listen to me very carefully okay?"

My eyes look at him retracing every little pore and hair on his face. The colour of his eyes and the smile. That smile...

"When we go on tour, we are given dog tags.."

I nod. Remembering the days he would come home with them still on, how he kept them on even as we made love. How I would hold onto them afraid that if I let go, he would slip through my fingers for several months again.

"We were out of base. On foot in the real bad parts of Israel. What you see on the news? That's Disney land compared to what we were in... We got ambushed. Our squad and two kids. Two kids that were we trying to get out of the no man's zone. We went from 8 to 3 in a matter of an hour. I thought that was it, I thought that I'd never get home. So I took the dog tag from my boot and gave it to Trey, who shoved it into his boot. Told him to get back to base, alert the proper channels, but to send my tag back to you... I thought I was going to die and I didn't want to leave you with nothing. I wanted you to have a piece of me, always. But it was a set up. The two kids, they were working with the rebels who shot them both down like stray animals. My other tag was torn off in the struggle. I don't know how but Trey got away. Only he never made it back to base. They.... He died so painfully." He stopped to shake his head as emotions flooded his face.

"I still hear him. His screams. Still see the flames. I still smell the smoke and I'll never forget how they sent him back. In a body bag, charred, all they had was my tag.. They thought it was me. That was until I was left with Wally, tied up in a cage in the middle of the fucking desert. I... It's so good to see you."

I shake my head "But all this time."

"The last 6 months I've been back here. With investigations and the exhuming of the grave. I had to go through therapy and I thought you'd have been there when my parents came but you never were.. I guess they forgot to tell you."

"I.. We haven't spoken since your funeral. They.." I shook my head.

"I saw the flag. I told my mom that it should have been given to you. I'm so sorry you had to endure that." He answers.

"But you.. I don't understand how this is happening."

"I know it's hard. It's a lot to get your head around, but I owed it to you. I had to come and see you. Face to face."