August rain | myg ✔

e l e v e n

Leaving Dr Surrey's office for the third time, Yoongi made his way home, replaying the appointment in his head, thinking of those words Dr Surrey had said. 

All of them have the same end, in which you make peace with what happened.

He knew he couldn't change what had happened. He knew Catalina would stay dead, no matter how badly he wished for all of this to be a nightmare, no matter how much he wanted her to be by his side again. He knew he couldn't do anything about the fact that she was gone, that he was now alone and would probably be for the rest of his life.

He didn't know how to deal with it. Catalina was the only and most important thing he had ever lost. How could he go on knowing that he would never see her again? How could he live every day with her stuck in his mind, forever the frozen portrait of what they were and what they were supposed to be? 

He feared she would stay there forever, standstill and filling every inch of his mind, for eternity. 

Again, he found himself in front of the blue house. He didn't know what to call it anymore. Was it home? It used to be, before he moved in with Catalina a few years ago. Then, their apartment had become his home, one that brought him happiness and an escape from the outside world. And she had always been right there, next to him, in this bubble of perfectness. It was their place, their sanctuary, and nothing could ever take that away from them.

But he hadn't gone back to their apartment since the day of the funerals. It was the last time he had been to what he considered to be his home. That day, he had gone back to pick up a few things: her favorite scarf, the one that made her excited for autumn just so she could start wearing it again; her favorite book, the one she would take a day off from work to read every summer by the beach; her favorite picture frame, the one that held a photograph of them together by the Cherry Blossoms last spring; and her favorite brand of marshmallow, the one she would put in the shape of a smiling face on her hot cocoa when she would make some in the winter.

All of those things had been buried with her. There were a part of her, and they had gone with her. 

And now that their apartment wasn't where Catalina was, now that it didn't have her scarf, her book, her frame and her marshmallows, it wasn't his home anymore. It was just an apartment that held memories and emptiness.

So was the blue house his new home? As he opened the door, he couldn't help but look for that feeling in him, the feeling of contentment that came when you finally opened the door of your home after an exhausting day.

The feeling wasn't there. There was nothing there, except a slight disappointment at the thought that he hadn't felt that feeling in so long. And that's when he realized, home wasn't the place; it was the person. But the person was gone and she would never be back.

He didn't have the time to think about it further, because his mom appeared in the doorway that led to the kitchen and look at him, eyebrows raised.

"How was it?" she inquired quietly, taking a step towards him, but then taking it back, as if she had been doing something she wasn't supposed to do. 

Yoongi blinked, seeing her but not quite looking at her.

"It was... I - I don't know," he whispered, eyes blurry. 

His mom's eyes softened and she took a step towards him again. This time, she didn't go back, rather she took a second one towards him. 

As he took off his shoes, she opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by loud steps coming down the stairs.

"Hey, hey, hey, Yoongiyoongs!" Jungkook was smiling widely at him as he skipped down the last few steps of the stairs happily. "What's poppin'?"

Yoongi blinked, trying to focus his sight on his overly joyous brother. 

"Uh, not much?" he whispered, confused. It was like Jungkook came from another world, one that was full of rainbows, happiness and no broken hearts. Sometimes he wondered if they were truly related, because they were so different.

"Jungkook," his mom hissed from behind the boy, causing him to turn around.

"Hey, hey, hey, mommymoms," he grinned at her, but his smile fell instantly when he noticed the glare she was sending him. He shrank a little in his spot, eyes getting wider and visibly confused. 

Yoongi sighed. Jungkook always had the worst timing, or the best. Either way, the boy knew exactly when to drop by to shift the atmosphere. 

"I'm really hungry," Yoongi murmured, because he was and he didn't want Jungkook to feel like he was bothering them. He wasn't, because there was nothing to disrupt in the first place.

His mom motioned at him to follow her in the kitchen. "Oh, come on, darling, I made pumpkin pie to celebrate the beginning of October." 

Jungkook's head whipped in her direction. "Pumpkin pie? I want pumpkin pie, too." He almost sounded jealous.

Their mom motioned at him, too. "Of course, Kookie." 

Jungkook's grin reappeared and he happily strolled to the kitchen, quickly followed by their mom and Yoongi, who couldn't help but wonder if Jungkook had forgotten that Catalina had died.

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A/N - Eh, my updates are getting slower and slower. I actually re-read this story from the very beginning, and strangely I thought it wasn't bad? But then I got scared that I would screw it up for the end haha. So I wrote and re-wrote three times the next chapter, which delayed the update. Anyway, all of this to say, there is 3-4 chapters left before the end! :)