Fairy Lights | jerza

Everything is Blue

The pain and the turmoil and the frantic cries of Lucy and the shame and the guilt... I didn't even pass out when I hit the ground. The world must really hate me.

Closing my eyes, I tried to block out the horrified faces and the scent of blood.

The music never stopped playing.

~ ~ ~

The smell of disinfectant and roses greet me. My lids are too heavy to lift so I don't bother trying.

"Erza."

I grunt in response.

"Erza, that was by far the most idiotic thing-"

"Even more idiotic than Natsu putting his torch of fire in the fridge to eat later?" I ask, voice cracking.

"Even more," Master agrees.

I pry my sticky eyelids open; the hospital room is unnaturally bright.

He leans across the bed and grabs the plastic cup of water sitting on the bedside table. In my haste to drink, a little water slops over the edge, dampening the collar of my hospital gown.

Ringmaster gives me a few more moments of peace while I gulp down the water. Then, "We made a decent amount of funds, but that's not the point." I hear the chair squeak as he adjusts his position. "Your fall really startled a good amount of people. We're getting bad publicity."

I couldn't be the only tightrope walker to fall. No, I wasn't, I'm positive. There was that pale-face woman...and that boy.

The difference was they died and I didn't.

"We're still going to perform for King Fiore, right?"

"Erza."

"No," I whisper weakly.

"It's not your fault."

"No," I repeat, this time with fierceness.

"The king sent me a letter saying we can perform for him another time when we're certain no one will..."

I turn to face him and am startled to find his face flushed with anger.

"Master, we will perform for the king, I'll make sure of it, I promise." It's only when I sit up that I realize my legs, both of them, are heavily bandaged. I also notice I can't move either of them.

Ringmaster replies tightly, "How can you promise anything when you're wheelchair bound? Neither of your legs work at the moment- you're practically useless!"

"I can still-"

"Everything we've been doing for the past several months was so we could perform for the king! And now? Nothing! You've let down your teammates, you've let down me!"

That's not fair that's not fair that's not fair.

A stinging sensation fires up in my eyes. Master gets up, nearly knocking over the cheap armchair in the process.

"Wait! Master, please don't go! Please don't leave!"

"Dammit, Erza! Why is it that you're the only who calls me 'Master?' I'm hardly the master of this troupe, no one listens to me! My name is Jellal Fernandes, could you call me that for god's sake?"

~ ~ ~

The rest of the Fairy Tail troupe joins me after Master leaves. Natsu and Gray are more interested in the chocolate my kind nurse has placed on the table beside me.

(I know, I know, deep down they're concerned. I just about cried when Natsu was worried enough to ask me if I was alive or dead.)

Lucy is the most effected- she can hardly look at me without shedding a tear.

With those three occupied, I find Juvia to be the most useful in the process of getting me up to speed on all that's happened after my accident.

"You didn't pass out when you hit the ground," Juvia remembers, "and you were upset you didn't. But Juvia is pretty certain you passed out when the EMT arrived onstage."

"Lucy was hysterical," Natsu adds, mouth stuffed with a white chocolate dessert. "And Jellal was freaking out too."

"He's angry with me," I say softly, more to Lucy than to anyone. I try to think about something else in order to numb the sadness. The last time a ringmaster was this livid was when I was working with Zeref as a child.

"He'll come around," the blonde comforts. "He's more frustrated with himself. He's a fairly young master and a lot of reporters are pinning this accident on him."

After a bit more talking (and a ton of pushing for detail), I manage to learn that both bones in my legs have broken, along with a few bones in my right foot shattering. Something had been wrong with my pelvic bones, but with the help of several doctors, it was set right.

("You landed on your feet, Erza, when you fell!")

My upper body was unharmed, but it would take several months for the rest of my body to recover, heal, and become strong again.

"That's not too bad," I comment, giving a careless shrug. Lucy looks horrified. "I mean, I'm alive."

"It's too bad you're injured," Gray says, settling down at the edge of my bed. "Jellal's got big plans."

Did he forget to tell me?

"There's a contest, and the winner performs at the palace. Jellal's determined to win, even if it means having to take the hard path to perform for the king."

Because our free ticket to the king was botched. The unsaid words of Gray resound loudly in my head.

I try to work out the chances of us winning against bigger troupes like Sabertooth. I can't do it- the odds are far too slim.

"Jellal's teaming up with a few smaller troupes. I think they were called...uh..."

"The Thunder Legion and Crime Sorciere."

~ ~ ~

Jellal drives down the main road with the intention of going home and taking a well-deserved break from all this chaos; instead, he finds himself zipping right past his trailer, and down a foreign path. He keeps driving, on and on, watching the leafy woods of Magnolia flash past him.

When at last he finds himself at a dead end, he parks the car; Jellal cries and cries tears of despair for he hadn't been strong enough to save his Titania.

A/N - I've just arrived at NYC! I'll be spending the weekend here, before heading home. Anyone know any cool places I should check out? I'm in Manhattan, near Central Park.