That 000000 & ffffff || Matty Healy

I Could Hear You Giving Her Head

He grabs my hands and pulls himself up, his head coming to rest against mine, I look down at our hands, intertwined and resting between our thighs. "Alright," he says softly and it almost feels like we're the only ones here despite being on a plane of grass surrounded by people while Katy Perry is singing. "I just don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to do things, okay?"

I nod, leaning forward against him, my head falling to his chest.

-

It was perhaps a year ago. A party that of course, Jamie had dragged me to. Anna had spent days planning on how to get my dads to let me out of the house, only to find her attempts were futile; they were practically begging for me to leave.

I wish I could remember what I was wearing, how I done my hair, how my make up looked, but all I remember was walking into that house – it was her party, it was Natalie's. She was a friend back then, maybe my best. I remember the first time Brian had kissed me, I had told her first, before Jamie or Anna or anyone really. I always felt she was the most experienced out of all of us. There was Jamie, yes, and Anna wasn't shy in any form, but Natalie had this air around her, it made me want to tell her everything.

She had this group of friends that had always been so nice, like an entourage now that I really think back on it. The first time I had met her, I had a nasty stain on my jeans I had been trying to scrub out. Natalie's friend, Courtney, she had been the one to start laughing and pointing, but Natalie, she stopped her, "Back off, she needs help not ridicule," she had spat, immediately coming to my aid.

Of course it had been weird, I still wonder why she had done that for me, especially when she was absolutely smitten over my boyfriend then.

"You are so lucky, Marcy! Brian is the best, I'm so jealous," It didn't sound like a confession then, it sounded like genuine praise and I was eating it up. She had been the only one of my friends who genuinely seemed to like Brian. Jamie put up with him for my sake, but Anna never denied her immense dislike for him. I was happy to have someone else who felt the same way as me, although, I suppose she felt a little too much.

I remember the song at the party, I remember because it was Natalie's favorite. The first time I heard about The 1975, that day a year ago at work, when there was probably four EPs out and an album on the way, Natalie had picked me up, she turned up her radio when a song came on, and I was surprised that I had actually heard it before — that I had heard it live. I think, if it weren't for her, my obsession probably wouldn't even have been fueled. "You would probably just have been that guy with the hair," I joke to Matty after explaining this much to him.

"What song was it?" he asked as he held my hand tighter, whether purposefully or instinctively, it hardly mattered to me.

I felt my stomach drop, the world shifting around me, as I couldn't even look at him. "It was Chocolate. It was one of your most popular songs, hell it still is. But I remember, she had it on repeat for so many days, I would go to sleep thinking about it, and wake up still thinking about it. I could recite it in the middle of church if someone asked me, a car ride wasn't complete with out it, but I hated it in that moment. Of course I did. No offence Matty. It's a good song." Matty chuckles slightly.

The lines of the chorus had been filtering through the air when Jamie, Anna and I had walked into the house. So many faces passed by, "So glad you came!" "I thought Brian came alone..." "Bri said you weren't coming!" I had been confused, definitely wondering why my boyfriend hadn't told me he was going to my friend's party.

I might have lost Jamie at some point; I always seem to lose him at parties. Anna wanted to show me something with a flame and alcohol; it must have been wicked, because I know there had been groups of people surrounding her, watching her ignite a pink drink and turning the orange flame blue. I hadn't been interested then.