Twisted (Editing)

Chapter 25

I changed the conversation. "Is it safe to go outside?"

"The army retreated, for now anyway. They're probably going to bring reinforcements. Why?"

"I want you to show me the grounds."

The surprise in the room was palpable. I looked at each of them. "What? I've been crammed in this house for almost a month and if I'm going stay inside any longer, I'm going to go crazy."

Sell the lie, sell the lie.

"R-right," he stammered. His face turned a light shade of flush pink and that pull tugged on me again. Hold, stay, love. The words floated around in the back of my head and I stood, watching his flushed face in a daze. I beat them back.

"Yeah."

A moment of silence passed between us. His parents started laughing. He snapped his head around. "What's funny?"

"Nothing. It just reminded me of the pull between your father and I when we were young. You're just a young pup in love," his mother cooed. His sister joined in and soon they were all making that damn noise.

"Young?" I asked. "The pull went away?"

She looked at her husband. "It never goes away, you just get used to living with it."

"It still could be dangerous to roam the grounds right now," he turned to his dad. "As long as we don't get to far..."

"Then its fine. A scout will come find you at the first sight of trouble. We're not going to let them take away our enjoyment." Jonah twines his fingers through mine. My heart picks up its pace as blood runs through my ears. It's like that first feeling when i went off the Wolfsbane for the first time, but less. Still as noticeable, just not quite as intense.

"I'm glad you came back." It's not even a complete lie. Some primal part of me at least was. A part that craved him to be close, to stay near to me. I hope it's a very small part.

His lips closed on mine as he removed the space between our faces. Someone cleared their throat and the fog that surrounded my head cleared. "Not here." Still their faces were covered in lopsided happiness. Probably because that thought I had accepted, retreated and stopped fighting.

Thoughts screamed at the back of mind, ones that didn't want to be suppressed. "It could be the full moon. It's coming again," his mom said. "It changes your hormones."

Well that was a relief. This was only temporary. "Will I shift again?"

"Unless you have the will to control it this time."

His hand caressed the back of my neck and his other tipped my chin up. "I'll stay with you again."

"Last time you made me run half the night. I was exhausted."

"You wanted to sleep the entire time. You we're going to let your shift pass you by."

Our faces came closer. Close, close, close. My mind said. It felt right, natural, easy. Fighting was hard and tiring. Why fight when the moon goddess ordained this, when she put us together....I blinked. When did I start believing in the moon goddess power? I didn't want to sink under the control of that river current again. I didn't want to relinquish control to hormones and pheromones.

Fingers itched at the mark. "Jonah!" His mother exclaimed. "My goddess, not here!"

I stepped back, taking the initiative to separate us. "You should rest and heal."

"I'll rest better if you're by my side." He stepped forward and breathed in my scent. I felt like melting. I tapped my foot against the floor. What could I say to make them still believe that I was happy, that I still wasn't raging, angry and vengeful. My mind blanked, or rather I couldn't think of anything coherent.

"Fine, I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

He grinned, showing off his already elongated canines. I swallowed the lump in my throat. We went up the stairs and he pulled me into his room. He lips immediately found there way to my collarbone.

"No, go to sleep, you said were having trouble."

"No, I said you'd make it easier." My conflicting emotions fought each other and the side that said stay here was winning. Of course it didn't help that Jonah's emotions were pressing against some of mine.

I felt his heartbeat in his chest. Thump, thump, thump. Fast like lightning. I couldn't see anything, only sense him because the lights were off and the curtains drawn. "Turn on the lights."

He did as I asked, untangling from me. I sat on the edge of the bed, legs folded up. "Is it possible that you can get my parents in here again?"

His gaze hardened. "They started this whole mess."

"I miss them."

"They poisoned you." he sat across my and took his hands in mine. "Wolfsbane is a hell of a drug and if they had made it wrong, they could have killed you. They gambled with your life because of their fears."

"I understand why they were afraid."

"That's because you don't understand this world. It's a beautiful culture, you just need to learn in. He leaned forward and I leaned back.

"I don't want this. I want to stay in control." He opened his eyes. They flickered between yellow and blue, between instinct and control.

"What do you mean?"

"It feels like I'm being dunked underwater and I'm trying really hard to find the shore. I want to be me again."

Frustration showed through his features. "This is you. Just with me in your life. This is how it was supposed to be before you were robbed of who you are."

"I wasn't robbed. My parents care for me, they did it on purpose."

"What was their purpose? You're going to rely on their word to tell you this world is so terrible?"

"Yes, they're my parents." His sadness pressed on me. I itched at hands to resit the urge to hold him with them. 

"You can't be this blindly loyal," he said, almost pleading. "You have to see what they did was wrong. Maybe you think it was protection but any other wolf that heard your story would be disgusted. Wolfsbane is the worst thing you can do to a wolf. It's banned for a reason. It strips them of their who they are. You don't feel robbed?"

"No."

He sighed. "I don't know how else to tell you its bad. But this is you Imani. What they fed you, changed you. This person that you don't like is you. That's why Wolfsbane is so terrible. Because wolves can get used to a person they aren't. And goddess forbid they lose their supply, because without antidote, the withdrawal can kill."

My blood ran cold and I thought back to the camping trip. The pounding in my skull, so bad that I thought my brain would burst. "I almost died?"

"You could've, until your parents came back with more."

My breathing quickened. My parents could have known. But there's that nagging thought betraying me. They're chemists. What if they did? "This is me," I said. It was like being dunked in cold water. Realization. The person that I was missing from before was a caricature. I hug my arms to my body. This is me. Werewolf, mated, Luna Juvenis.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm, I'm.." The fire on my tongue died, my will to sell the lie died too. I didn't even have the nerve to insult him. "Speechless." He put a hand on my hip, pulling me closer. I brushed him off. My parents could've killed me. And they might have known. How were you supposed to recover from that sort of thing? "I think I need to go to bed. I can't think anymore."

"If you need me, I'm here." His arms were open, waiting. It was more than a little appealing, with my defenses down with my anger a little quenched. "Just to talk, or anything. I don't really care."

I looked at the door then back at him. My soul sang. It would be too easy to fall and let him hold me up. Was I going to wait for the same parents who might have killed me to come save me? Was I going to escape by into their arms, back into their care? Or was I betraying myself and my escape plan for even thinking of it?

"Thanks, but not tonight." I walked out of the room and into my own, proud because I didn't run back in.