The Cost of Silence

The Cost of Silence chapter 19

Chapter 19

After announcing that he knew how I felt, Eric just looked at me, as if he was expecting me to ask what his past was like. And he was right. I really wanted to know, and I felt like since I had just spilled out my life story to him, I kind of had the right to know about his past. So, me being myself, I flat out asked.

"Eric, what happened to you?" I asked cautiously, not sure if I even wanted to know the answer anymore. Eric wasn't one to hide things from his friends, though. Silently, he lifted up the sleeves of his long sleeved shirt, revealing dozens and dozens of scars.

I gasped. I couldn't help myself. Of all the things I had imagined Eric having gone through (and trust me, there was a lot), self-harming himself hadn't been one of them. I wasn't sure why...it was an obvious reason to be seeing a therapist, but it just hadn't crossed my mind. Probably because it made me sick to me stomach when I thought about someone having so much pain that they had to hurt themselves physically to make it go away.

Despite all the emotional (and even physical) pain my father had caused me in the past, I had never considered harming myself to get rid of it. No, that wasn't quite true. I had considered it, quite a few times, I had just never gone through with it. I didn't think that it would make anything better.

When I looked at Eric's scars again, it made me want to cry. So this was why he was always wearing long sleeves, even in the summer heat. Some of the scars were fresh, some were old, it was just...horrible. I realized something, and it actually caused a tear to run down my face.

"Eric, you're...suicidal...?" I said unsure. I didn't want it to be true, but looking at those scars, seeing how many of them there were, and how deep they seemed to have gone, I knew that it was the truth. The horrible, horrible truth.

Eric slowly nodded, his face twisted with sadness and even...shame? I didn't want Eric to feel shame. He shouldn't. I reached for his hand and squeezed it. Eric let me do that for a moment, but then he suddenly jerked his hand away from mine. He pulled down his sleeves again, hiding his past.

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me," he explained, "I just...thought you should know, if we are going to be friends. Besides, you told me about your past, so I thought that you should at least know about mine."

He took a deep breath, obviously about to say something, and I realized that seeing what Eric's past had caused him to do wasn't the same as actually knowing what had caused him to go this far. If I was going to be friends with Eric, and I wanted to be, I felt like I should know about him. We both felt that way.

"I started...cutting...when I was 13," he said, "but what made me start was going on long before that. When I was 7, my father left me and my mother, for good. My mom turned to drugs and alcohol, not to mention strange and dangerous men. I grew up in an abusive and dangerous household, with my drug addicted mother and her dealer boyfriends. My mother couldn't hold down a job, so when i was 9, we eventually lost the house. For almost two years, my mother and I lived on the streets or with drug dealers, practically starving to death. When I was 11, child services found out what was going on through a very concerned teacher of mine. They took me away from my mother and put her in jail. For the last 5 years I've been living with some really nice foster parents, along with a few other kids that have had...rough...lives."

Eric finished his speech with tears in his eyes. That was nothing compared to me, who had started crying ages ago. Eric did understand what I was going through. Me and him, we were in the same boat. I grabbed Eric's hand again, and this time, he didn't pull away. He squeezed my hand back, and I could tell that he had waited ages to be able to tell a friend about his past, just like I had been waiting to tell a friend about mine.

For a little while, we just sat there, hands intertwined, understanding each other perfectly. It was a rare and amazing moment in my life, and I knew that neither of us would ever forget it.

Eric then apparently decided that we needed to talk about a happier subject, and I was fine with that. Glad, actually. I wanted the chance to just hang out with Eric, and be his friend.

"So," he said as we untwined our hands and both put them in our laps, "why is it that you're wandering around Seattle today?" I shrugged. I wasn't even really sure why, except for the fact that I was sure that I wouldn't be able to handle a full day with my mother.

"I just couldn't deal with my mother right now," I explained, "So I'm stuck in Seattle until my appointment with Andrea at four." Eric nodded understandingly. He knew what I was talking about. Eric had a glint in his eye, and I could tell that he was thinking about something. Something good, hopefully.

"Well," he said, "if you don't have any plans today, how about letting me give you a tour of Seattle?" I shrugged. Why not? I had already been on plenty of tours around Seattle, though. I told Eric this, and he just laughed. "Trust me, you haven't been on a tour like the one I'll give you," he promised.

At first I was doubtful, but I agreed anyways. And three hours later, I was glad I had agreed. Eric was right. I had never seen Seattle in the way that he showed me it.

Eric had taken me to the Pike Place Market, but we went underground it and hung out with the homeless people for a while (they were actually really nice, and most of them seemed to know Eric by name). Then, we went to the space needle, but when we tried to get on top of the actual building, we were kicked out by the security guards. All of the things we did that day, were things that I had done before, like going to the market and the space needle, but we went around doing them in basically atrocious ways. It was honestly the most fun I have had in a very long time.

Later in the day, Eric offered to drive me to Andrea's office, seeing as his appointment was right before mine, but I wasn't interested in sitting in that waiting room for an hour, no matter how cozy it may be.

"I think I'll just walk around for a while," I decided, even though it meant not being able to hang out with Eric longer. I just, I needed some time by myself. Eric understood completely, like always.

"Okay," he said, "I'll see you later. Possibly even after my appointment." Eric winked, which I was figured out was basically his signature move. I realized that he was right, I might see him in an hour or so anyways, because his appointment ended right before mine started, as usual. For some reason, it made me happy to think that I wouldn't have to go long without seeing Eric, although I wasn't sure why I felt that way. I only liked Eric as a friend. Or at least, that was what I had convinced myself.

I had been leaning up against the drivers door of Eric's truck, and he walked up to me, probably to get in his truck. I started to move out of the way, but Eric for some reason put his hands on either side of me, so that he was leaning against the truck too, dangerously close to me. I had no idea what either of us were doing, but I looked deep into Eric's eyes, and I felt something stir inside me. Something that I had never felt before. I wasn't sure what exactly it was, but I decided that it wasn't a bad feeling to have. For some reason, I just knew that it was good.

For some reason, Eric seemed to be subconsciously (or so I thought) leaning in towards me. Without even thinking about what I was doing, I leaned in to Eric, closing those few inches of space left between us, and kissed him.

Authors Note:

Okay, you guys can start the round of applause that I deserve for putting that into the book...

Just kidding guys. :) But I do hope that you're happy that Amy kissed Eric. Squeal!!!

What do you think's going to happen now? There's still tons more to write. ;D

Also, if you would, please go check out my new story, Shattered? It would mean a lot. Thanks darlings! <3

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