a world on fire

fight

Jin is a mess. His blonde hair is dirty and untamed, swept up in all directions from the strong wind that blows outside. He's normally dressed completely immaculately but his white shirt is stained and wrinkled, and Namjoon sniffs lightly, breathing in the scent of wilted roses and strawberry ice cream. His hyung seems to have thrown his diet away and guilt sinks down in Namjoon's heart.

"Joonie," Jin breathes out, and Namjoon doesn't miss how the alpha greedily sucks in a lungful of Namjoon's peaches and cream scent like he's a man starved.

"Hyung," Namjoon replies tensely, folding his long arms across his chest defensively and glaring into the older boy's eyes.

"Can I come in? We need to talk," Jin asks, keeping a respectable distance from the omega even though he wants nothing more in life than to pull him into a strong hug and never let him go.

"I'm not sure, hyung, Jaebum isn't here," Namjoon trails off, peering behind Jin and checking that no one else is there. There isn't, thankfully, and Namjoon feels a hand rest protectively on his neck, right across his gland.

"You can come in," Jinyoung replies, pulling Namjoon out of the way and leading them towards the couch.

Namjoon sits down on the edge of the soft couch and has to wipe his hands against his shorts as they grow clammy from sweat. There's tears pricking painfully in the corners of his eyes and his scent grows stronger, desperately trying to attract the pack alpha that isn't here. He watches Jin with watery eyes as his former pack alpha awkwardly sits down on the chair facing them, fiddling with his bright pink phone case and staring at the spot where Jinyoung still rests his hand on the omega's neck.

His hyung's eyes travel down and widen, and Namjoon pulls into himself, trying his hardest to hide the bruising around his exposed waist with his long arms. He regrets letting BamBam talk him into borrowing one of his many crop tops then, instantly growing shy under the older boy's intense gaze.

No one dares to say anything and Namjoon honestly doesn't know what he'd say anyway. He'd thought about this moment a lot though. He's talked about it with Jackson. Even though he's being courted by his pack Jackson had still urged Namjoon to try and get in contact with his old pack, to see if there was anyway to fix the bonds. At first, Namjoon had been aching for it. But now that he's spent so much time with another pack he isn't sure anymore. His thoughts are almost as messy as Jin's hair is.

"What are you doing here, hyung?" Namjoon asks, pressing down at a pale yellow bruise that he finds on his kneecap to ground himself down as he drifts off towards the black hole again.

"I needed to see you and make sure that you're okay," Jin sighs, and Namjoon doesn't miss how he doesn't look away from the bruises, "did they hurt you?"

Jinyoung growls beside him and Namjoon lays a hand across the alpha's shaking leg, "No. They'd never do that to me."

The words make Jin flinch in his seat but Namjoon can't regret them. He needs to be truthful with his friend, and part of telling him the truth is letting him know how much pain he's still in. His heart isn't fixed. It's still shattered into a million tiny pieces, and his chest still aches from where the bonds had once rested deeply inside of himself. Each night is plagued by nightmares and the phantom scent of cinnamon, and there's been times when he's woken the entire apartment up by his screams.

It's like his nightmares have slipped into the day now too, because sometimes he'll be doing something completely ordinary, like loading the dishwasher or walking through the park, when suddenly he'll be hit with memories of that night like a truck. He'd feel Jungkook's strong hands on his body, pressing him down, forcing the air out from his lungs. One wrong word by the pack or a touch he wasn't expecting is enough to send him into a panic attack. Namjoon's smart and knows exactly what they are, the flashbacks, but what he hasn't figured out yet is how to stop them, or if they'll ever stop.