Joyriding

February 26, 2018

T/W: occasional beating, verbal abuse, shouting.



   Hey,

  So the next person was a part of my life that I forgot and got to meet again when I was 13, that person was my dad. I don't remember much from when I was a little girl since he was out of the picture when I was 4. But here are some stories about him.

    So the first thing I remember about him was that I had no clue who he was, I remember telling my mom when I was 6 "I don't have a dad." She was surprised to say the least and told me I did also asked why I said that, to which I responded "no I don't, if I did, he would pick me up from school like all my friend's dads do." Its kinda strange to try and explain a separated marriage to a child. Especially when she didn't like to talk about him. My brother and me look a lot like my dad and I have his personality, which is why I think she hated the fact that I was her daughter, but that is a subject for another day.

When I was around 8 years old, my dad got in contact with us for a couple of phone calls, like max 4 or 5 because, one day he had his phone stolen and we didn't know, so we called his phone and a woman answered the phone and my mom had the phone on speaker, the woman told my mom to never call again cause my dad wanted nothing to do with us, and that he preferred to take care of her children than think of my brother and me. Obviously my brother and I were angry but more my brother since he did remember our dad, and he took the last pic we had of him and ripped it up and set it on fire. I guess you could say we were pissed.

      Afterwards, for some reasons that I'll explain later, at 13 years of age, we moved to mexico, and we met my dad, the first few years were amazing, he was cool and awesome, getting us what we wanted and treating us great, we were treated as I always wished, for the first time someone dealt with my shitty personality without any form of physical or emotional abuse, I felt loved but as all things in my life, the good never lasts.

   I always had a special respect and I looked up at him for the fact that he never treated me like that and helped me when my mom would, like the time my mom and him had a fight, after it my mom told me extremely serious that if her and my dad ever broke up again it would be my fault entirely, and I obviously broke down, and my dad told her that that was the stupidest thing to tell me and to accuse me of it, he told me to not listen to her and I've always had separation anxiety especially with my dad once he was back in my life that I was unconsolable. He was a good dad for several years but then things changed.

    My dad has always liked kids or so I've been told but I never thought I'd see the day when I lost all respect for him for the did what everyone else had done to me before, he fucked with my emotions and slapped me hard across the face, why, you may ask, well it was over a lipstick i couldn't find, I know it sounds illogical, let me explain. So we had gone for a weekend vacation to the woods with some friends and by some i mean at least 30 to 40 people, and when I was getting ready and putting on my makeup, my friend and another girl sat beside me to watch me do my makeup, and I lost a lipstick, I didn't care much since I never used it, but I was like well let me ask the girls to see if they saw what I did to it, so I asked my friend and she told me that she didn't see it, so i went to the other girl, she looked 12 but was like 9 and acted as if she had 5 so I was like did you see if I put it somewhere, she said no and I was 'like ok oh well.' Well my dad said I accused her of stealing it and didn't listen as I explained it so I got so frustrated I started crying and I hate crying in front of others, so I turned away. He said that I was fucking disrespecting him by not looking at him that he fucking slapped me hard across the face while we were out in public, I never felt so embarrassed in my life. I didn't talk to him in a month except for what was strictly necessary.
    
    And now he constantly threatens to hit me at the minor sign of me resisting their power over me. But i guess I can talk about my mother next, this will be "fun" to remember. Anyway got to go before I tear up.

          Bye!

Şŧąყ ʄřơŞŧყ, mყ ٳơ۷ɛٳıɛŞ!
As always your friend and/or mom, Nena!
Songs to the chapter: to my parents by Anna Clendening
Fake happy by Paramore.