Author: Sophia-Winston
Plot or Cover/Blurb:
I like your cover, it is simple and it goes along with your title. It's fine for now, though I do think at some point you should try and change it into something that is a bit more eye catching as I'm sure that it's too boring for some people.
For your blurb you are good up until the fast froward point, that is where things kind of hit the fan. It needs to be worded differently and also after reading the prologue and the first chapter I realized that you literally included the basic entirety of the first chapter in your blurb and then give away the fact that they get married. I think you should change this, no one wants to read a summary of basically the first chapter and then have it spoiled for them. I think you should think about keeping your secrets and being a bit more vague in the blurb so then reading the blurb doesn't seem so pointless.
3/5
Grammar:
From what I can tell you have good grammar, there really isn't anything that I noticed wrong. You do have the occasional awkward sentence that gets thrown around, and places where there is a word that shouldn't be there but overall you're pretty good here.
4/5
Descriptions:
You have decent descriptions, but that is only when I can decipher them and what you write makes sense. You are very whimsical at times and sometimes you go a little over the top. You can write beautifully, but you need to be careful that you don't get too carried away and start writing gibberish.
4/5
Characters:
You develop Jude very well and I can appreciate that. When you started I was skeptical because generally when someone describes the characters age and specific traits about them right from the get-go they get lazy and don't continue building their character. You didn't do that, which I am very grateful for.
4/5
What I Hated/Thoughts:
I'm torn over the prologue. I don't like it, but I also don't hate it. The writing is an attempt at being suspenseful and I think you are almost there. It needs some tweaking and playing around with the wording in some places but I think you are on your way, you just aren't there yet.
The first paragraph of chapter one reads a bit wordy. Ehh, actually, no not really. I think my biggest issue is that you use things twice, things is a shitty word, find a better one.
"Jude, a raspy-voiced woman of twenty-four, with genuine brown curly hair and passionate-green eyes, the colour the ocean turns during a storm, knows firsthand that certain sights, and sounds, have the ability to keep you up for the rest of your days. She knows you will not sleep if you fear the games you mind might be planning to play next."
^^^^ That is too much. You need to break it up into more then just two sentences. Also, listen, it could be just the fact that the first sentence is insanely long, but some of the things that you say here doesn't make sense. Don't get me wrong, it sounds pretty all of it, it just literally means nothing/doesn't make sense. Like genuine brown curly hair, what does that mean? I have never heard hair described as genuine. I assume you mean it hasn't been altered in anyway, but I have to think about that. The best part about reading is being able to just read with everything flowing together without having to stop and decipher everything to understand what is being described.
I like how you introduce the background, but it's too much, I'm bored and don't really care anymore and it keeps going. You should try and shorten it, while keeping the more important pieces. Just because I feel like you went a little overboard.
Holy moly. I skipped way ahead, to almost the bottom of chapter one because there is just too much. It was super boring to me and didn't hold my interest at all. That is mainly my personal preference though, as I really don't like a ton of back story thrown in one spot, but you did manage to write it well enough that it didn't read like info-dumping, but it's just not something that I like to read or enjoy reading because I like putting things together myself seems how it is a lot less boring and more interesting.
Alright, I'm done, I can't read any more.
3/5
This was more me then you, your writing style just isn't something that my fried brain can handle at the moment.
Overall:
This isn't horrible, there are some kinks that you need to work out when you do some editing but you have a very good start to a story. Just because I didn't really like it all that much doesn't mean that other people won't.
Final Score:
18/25
