Kpop Imagines

Seventeen: Joshua- Angst Part One

I miss you. Do you miss me? I still love you. Do you still love me? I wish I can go back. I want you by my side.

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"I miss you so much right now..." I said as I looked at the picture of us on my phone. I bit my lower lip.
"Am I the only one like this though." Tears started forming in my eyes as I thought of Joshua and how he stopped caring about me.

*FLASHBACK*

"Joshua! I love you... Do you even care? Do you even love me? Are you even listening?!" Once again, we were arguing, well it's more like I was arguing over nothing again. Joshua just sat there on his phone not noticing or caring what I was even mad over.
Whenever we would plan dates or just times where we can be together I was the only one who cared. Never once did he ever follow through with our planned dates. And when we do meet it's like this. Him not even paying attention to me.
I let out a sigh as I remembered that he was never always like this. He used to spend any time he could with me. He'd message me sweet words and always tell me that he missed me. But now after 4 years of dating, he stopped caring. He became uncaring and cold in a way.
"Joshua!! Pay attention to what I'm saying!!" I yelled at him in disbelief to see that this is how our relationship is like now.
Joshua had looked up from his phone, pissed off. "What do you want?! Can you just shut-up?!"
I looked at him, I felt so hurt from his words. My eyes had drifted to my feet, I slowly looked up at him and made I contact. "I can't do this anymore." I said shaking my head as I felt tears slowly forming. I stared at the ceiling trying to make the tears disappear, but I already knew my tears wouldn't. I looked back at Joshua and bit my lower lip.
I slowly begin to speak again. "You've changed. You don't love me, anymore do you?" My tears started falling, like the first drops of rain that also started outside.
Joshua looked shock, "Are you crying?" Or so I thought. "It's not my fault I'm different. I just spend every day with you. How am I not supposed to not get bored of it..." He paused as he saw me who started to cry more.
I was in disbelief, "Bored?" I looked away, "Bored of me? So that's how you feel about me." I slowly refocused my gaze at him, "I'm sorry for taking your time. I'm sorry for making your bored. I'm sorry for needing you. I'm sorry that..." I paused holding my words. "I'm sorry for loving you..." I hurried out with my things. I couldn't hold my crying back anymore.
It hurt so bad. It hurts. I loved him. In the middle of my thought while rushing I heard movements rushing towards me from behind. Then suddenly I felt someone hold onto my wrist. I tensed up, "Let go."
"No! I didn't-." I cut him off, "Let Go!!" I yanked my arm away. I took in deep breaths, with my tears not stopping just like how the rain was around us. "It's better if we end this. Being with you I'm only getting hurt and to you I'm only something troublesome." I walked away with a broken heart and endless tears.

*END OF FLASHBACK* 

I sighed, my emotions were a mix of so much that I felt like I was going crazy. "Why?! Why?!" I couldn't stop my tears as they just kept coming. 
 All I know is that it hurts. All I know is that I love him but I hate him for what he did to me. I need to let go but I love him so much. I miss him so much right now. I wish we could go back.
I feel like I'm nothing without him, but I'm sure he wouldn't care. I'm sure he is already over everything we had together. I'm sure that he doesn't love me anymore and would be fine even without-.

My thoughts were cut off by my ringtone of Joshua's sweet singing voice. I started to cry more and more. I slowly looked at who was calling and it was...

To Be Continued...

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The song that I was listening to was "SEVENTEEN(세븐틴) _ SVT VOCAL TEAM - '바람개비'" or "Pinwheel By Seventeen Vocal Unit" 

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