pain • kth

viii.

classes were going on not until the break began.

i went out of my classroom only to find you standing there.

standing there with your invisible sweat due to your nervousness.

with all your folks around with you and whispering.

"it's a dare so do it".

you were hesitant.

i didn't know what was happening.

what dare were they speaking of?

and suddenly i feel somehow heavy and it's because there were multiple hands with you and are now clinging to me.

you hugged me.

but they forced you.

i ran away.

i didn't know if i was angry that it vexed me or was i angry that i wished it was a genuine one and not forced.

i can't process on what happened.

i was on the brink of crying, and i did cry.

i went back only to find our classmates with their stares of pity.

apologies were blurted out.

i accepted.

then you never did come to me after the commotion.

i felt sad.

if only it were real i wouldn't be crying right now.

instead i would be thankful, you know.

i decided to push you away.

things are getting more complicated for me because of you.

i am going to despise you starting on this very day.

yet it was the biggest mistake i have ever made though our friendship was already going smoothly.

' taehyung, will you come to me without me forcing you? i guess that will never happen. '