Brothers At War [completed; unedited]

Brothers At War: Chapter Nine

As I lay on Marcus’ chest, there were so many thoughts running through my mind; none of them especially good thoughts either.

Mostly I was questioning what the hell had happened between the two of us and why I allowed it to happen in the first place.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this and I wasn’t meant to let this happen either. Marcus is everything I hate and this was never going to go anywhere; he was simply going to brag to people about how I had succomed to his demands and given him everything he had wanted.

He was going to prove me right and show how I was nothing more than another player in his many games.

“What’s wrong?” Marcus asked, his body suddenly moving from beneath mine as he towered over me, his thumb wiping away a tear I didn’t even know was there.

“This should never have happened. This is all wrong.” was all I replied and I could see the hurt on his face. I could see the way in which my words hit him, but there was no other way of saying it.

“What? It was wrong for someone to show you that they do care about you? Or, was it just wrong because it was me and not some cheap date you took back to your place?” Marcus replied spitefully.

“There’s no ne--”

“Yes, Sophie, there’s every need for what I’ve just said. How many fucking ways have I got to say it? I. Love. You.” Marcus practically spat.

He wasn’t supposed to admit that.

No one loves me because everyone who says they love me, leaves me in the end and never wants anything to do with me; I am nothing more than a sad and lonely child who has never really had anyone there when she has needed them.

I wasn’t going to change that now and I wasn’t about to accept that someone could love me.

That someone could want to be there for me and show me what it was like to feel like you were the only two people in the room, despite being surrounded by hundreds of others.

“Look, I need to go.” I sighed.

“I’m not going to apologise for what I’ve said because it’s the truth and if you can’t see that, then perhaps you’re better off on your own.” Marcus muttered, pulling his shirt over his head as he threw my dress and underwear over to me.

I quickly put my underwear back on, pulling the dress over my head like I needed to cover up my modesty; despite the fact I had just slept with him and he knew exactly what I looked like when I was naked. I needed to get back to the house and I needed to have one hell of a long bath, it was the best place to think and there was no chance of someone walking in on me either.

Maybe I would be able to work out what the hell I wanted from my life and I would be able to stop playing my own games with everyone around me.

I could either be happy, or I could spend my time hating that I couldn’t have the one person I wanted.

I could move on with my life and accept that I was never going to have Matt, or I could continue lusting after him just to tell him I didn’t want anything from him and he was going to be happier with his wife than he would be with me.

I could just be the adult it was time to be and leave this place, or I could stay here and carry on punishing myself in the worst way possible. I could simply forget about what had happened between myself and Marcus, get on a flight home and tell myself it was the worst mistake of my life; but then who would I be trying to convince?

Marcus? Or myself?

“I don’t want you to apologise, I just want you to understand.”

“Understand what, Soph? One day you’re telling me you hate me and the next you’re sleeping with me, screaming my name. Please, tell me, what do I need to understand?” Marcus shouted and he had every right to be annoyed with me, I was acting like a total bitch to him and throwing every little thing back in his face.

“I just, Marcus, I don’t know. This is all wrong. I hate you. Well, I don’t even hate you, I just hate the person you are; you use women and fuck with their emotions for your own amusement. You tell them you love them and then demand they never contact you again. You come across as everything a women needs when, in reality, you’re everything they should avoid.”

“I am trying. You have no idea just how hard I am trying, but when you invade my thoughts. My fantasies. Even my dreams. I have to do something to forget about you, to pretend that I don’t feel anything towards a heartless bitch, but nothing works. I don’t know how you want me to say it or what you want me to do, but I can’t stop myself from being attracted to you.” Marcus explained, his voice laced with both anger and frustration as he tried in vain to make me listen to him; to understand that he did have a heart and it belonged to no one but myself.

“You just slept with me. Why can’t that just be enough for you?”

Marcus walked over to me, and I could see the hurt in his eyes as he stood in front of me. There wasn’t anything cheeky or joking about his manner, or the way in which he was now stood; this was probably the most serious I had ever seen Marcus Barnes in the entire time I had known him for.

“I don’t know how to make this anymore simple for you Sophie. I am not lusting after you, I don’t even want your body. I just want you.”