Surviving Sang

18 Minutes in Heaven

"It's very possible, Your Highness," Luke said as he positioned himself on his side, angling one arm to hold his head up. I mirrored his pose, but used one foot to nudge against his smooth ankle.

"And where is this so called 'seduction,' Sir Lucian?" I asked softly, looking him in the eye. His eyes twinkled back at me.

"The good lady sure seems ready to be rid of her virtue!" Luke announced to the room as if we had an audience.

"Who needs virtue when you can have a handsome knight?" I asked playfully, winking at him. I felt ridiculous, but was determined to play along.

This seemed to be the wrong thing to say, as Luke's face completely shut down in front of me. I was momentarily shocked at how blank his face became before he looked down at the bedspread.

"Luke?" I asked, worried I'd said something wrong. "What's wrong?"

Was I too forward? Did it turn him off?

"Luke?" I asked again when he didn't look up. Sliding closer, I gently placed my hand on his forearm that was playing with a thread on the comforter.

"Gah. I'm sorry, Sang," he whispered, still not looking up at me. "I'm being stupid."

"What is it?" I asked softly. "Did I do something wrong."

"No, no." Luke quickly shook his head, finally looking up at me. His eyes had lost their mischievous sparkle and he looked pained. "I just...I want...I wish I still had my...virtue."

"Your virtue?" I repeated, my eyebrows skyrocketing. "Luke, you know I was just playing around—"

"I just hate that I can't give you that, Sang," Luke cut me off, his expression regretful before he huffed a disbelieving laugh. "I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I was still a virgin."

My heart ached. I knew most of the boys were more experienced than me, but I hadn't been faced with hearing it so blatantly before.

"Luke, no," I shook my head and gave his arm a gentle squeeze, trying to push away the painful squeeze of my heart at the vocal confirmation that he's been that far with girls before me. "Why would you...please don't regret that."

"Why shouldn't I?" He asked in a pained voice, letting his head fall back against the mattress. "I love you more than anything, and I can't even give that to you."

My arm stilled, and I froze. My eyes managed to blink down at him, and I held my breath as my heart floated in my chest. That didn't sound like one of Gabriel's playful declarations of love that he threw at all of us. That sounded real.

"I don't expect you to," I assured him quietly, before rubbing my hand up and down his arm that was still playing with the thread. "You had a life before me; I understand that. I didn't expect to be your first kiss, so why would I expect that? What you've given me now—your heart—is more than I could've ever hoped for."

"But Sang," Luke huffed, pushing off the mattress and moving to sit Indian style in front of me. I slowly mirrored his position again, but he avoided my eyes. "You're so pure and giving everything to us. In a weird way, I envy Kota and the guys who are still virgins."

"You envy them?" I asked, confused and a little wary. I thought we'd gotten a handle on most of the jealousy issues that I could see. Besides, not many teenage boys would say they envied a virgin.

"Because they get to experience their first time with you," Luke whispered, looking at his lap. "With someone they love. And they get to give themselves to you. All of themselves."

His confession was burning my heart, and I knew I needed to put a stop to this before it got out of control.

"Luke, look at me," I cupped his cheek and pulled his gaze back to mine. "You're still you. Not being a virgin doesn't change that. You are giving me all of you. I wasn't going to bring this up, because it doesn't matter— honestly, it doesn't—but let me try to explain something. Just...hypothetically, let's say you've slept with five girls before me—"