peaches | fillie

thirty

They weren't letting go. They would still talk, they would still love each other. They were merely pressing pause on a good thing.

She sucked in a breath as she greeted Finn's mother sitting in the living room, and excused herself from any small talk by stampeding up the stairs. She paused in front of his bedroom and pressed her ear to the door.

Millie could hear his soft voice singing and the click of his computer mouse. His breathing was slightly faster than usual and she could tell that he knew what she was going to say.

She turned the doorknob gently, pushing through to enter Finn's bedroom. He glanced up, glanced back at his computer screen, and then shut his laptop. He had been editing the most recent photos he had taken of her.

In the photos, Millie was wearing a long green dress and was supposed to be hidden behind a palm plant. She had sparkles running across her cheekbones that Sadie had glued on for a more mystical effect, or so she said. Finn would've enjoyed taking pictures of her with a stained tee-shirt, so the glitter wasn't necessary.

It hit her with a great force that that photoshoot was likely the last one they would share together. Finn's photography was what had pulled them so close together. That, and her happiness lessons.

Those lessons had helped Finn grow incredibly. He was a kinder, more understanding person because of them.

He would miss them now that they were coming to a close.

"You got your letter," Finn stated, eyes flicking from his shoes to her face rapidly.

Millie nodded and linked her hands together. She gulped. This was harder than what she had anticipated.

"I don't want to end this."

His gaze met hers sadly, almost as if to say "me neither."

"But we have to, Finn." She breathed in sharply before continuing.

"I love you so much, believe me. More than I thought I was ever capable of. So much that it scares me. You showed me that I am able to do so many more things than I was allowing myself. You make me feel so great about myself, and I hope that, even for a second, I made you feel the same way. That's what I wanted from the deal, ya know. I wanted to see if you would help me be more me, and I can't thank you enough.

"But, even with how much love we both clearly share for one another, we have to move on at some point. We're so young and stupid, and we need to be able to test the waters. We have to see what our preferences are and just live a little. I don't want to tie you down to this stupid town while I'm finishing high school and then have us suffer through a long-distance relationship too. That's the worst thing I could ever make a person go through. And I don't want to do that to you."

Millie closed her eyes, anticipating his reaction. She expected that he would try and argue, or provide reasons as to why they should keep trying.

Instead, she felt long arms snake around her waist and hold her tightly.

He was hugging her.

She pushed her face into the crook of his neck and wrapped her own arms around his frame, breathing in deeply.

His smell had changed greatly since the first time they had technically hung out. It had become cleaner, but still held the same rough edges as it had before. This was likely because he had never been able to drop his smoking habit, despite great effort to.

She smiled slightly into his chest, remembering all of the times that they held each other like this; after their second argument together, when she had fallen from a ladder in the community library, the day of her grandmother's funeral, the first time he told her about his father.

The memories held so much more weight than she had expected, just sitting there. Once she began to stir them in her mind they lost their heaviness, floating freely into the sky.

"Whatever happens, please..." his voice cracked mid-way through his sentence. She brought her hand up to his face and tried to wipe away his tears, but he pushed her fingers away gently. "P-please don't forget about me. Because I... I don't think I could ever forget about you."

The breeze blew the curtains on his bedroom window lightly and she felt the rocks that had settled in her bones slowly begin to erode.

"Lesson number nineteen,
I love you."

***
author's note:

lalalalaaaaa please don't murder me! there's only the epilogue left so i hope you strap in because it's quite a long one...

also, the song is written and sung by one of friends' sister, so that's super cool! i actually wrote this part out about halfway through the summer because I was listening to this song on repeat and just had to get the words down.

it's short and simple, but i don't think i needed to add anything extra.

i hope you all enjoyed reading it just as much as i enjoyed writing it!

don't forget to VOTE and COMMENT FEEDBACK! this helps my story become more known and helps me improve my writing :)

thank you so much!
-paige