Dear Ed || ed sheeran

letter ten.

Dear Ed,

It feels as though I had only seen you in a dream, a vision or some sort of illusion within my mind, but it felt too real to be any of those. I honestly can't tell if you were real, but I truly hope you were. So I can then just laugh away all this pain and you can come to my side. You can take my hand, you can hug me, and kiss me... Though once again, I was blinded by the lies that flooded my delusional mind. I had to realise that this was reality. A world around me and a life full of hurt. That was not an illusion; I am sure of it.

If you're reading this right now, I love you. I love you, my angel.

In my vision, you told me I should continue being happy like I had been with you. You told me to move on and to love someone else, but how could I ever do that? How could I do the most impossible thing in this world, Ed? I can't love anyone else for no one on this world is ever going to be the same. I'm left here all confused and dazed with the drugs that the doctors prescribed for my suicidal ways. How could you even propose such a thing to me? Do you actually think I could be happy again? So many questions, but none of them are answered. As always.

I'm still hurting as I write this. My wrists ache at each press of the pen, but I have to write. You really wanted me to. On a good note, I'm taking medication and I'm going to start therapy. The orders have come from the boss, my beloved Aunt. I really did not have a say in the decision and I guess she has a point. Let's just hope it all works out because disappointing my Aunt twice may really get me in a lot more trouble than I am in right now.

I will try.

Once again waiting; Destiny