If only

Part 4

Beca's pov
She doesn't except me she's going to kick me out, where am I going to go, everyone's going to hate me, there never going to want to see me again. I let a single tear fall down my cheek before getting up and heading to the door I turn around "I'll start packing because I already know what your going to say " with that I turn the corner and run to my room and lock the door and the window and head into that bath room. I stumble around looking for the razor blade, I find it and I cut, I sit there and cut, I can hear regan out side "beca I'm not going to kick you out I was just shocked because you've never opened up to me like that, beca please open this door, beca please". I quickly wash of the blood from my arm and cover it in a bandage before heading to my door, I look at the door for a moment before opening it and as I do regan falls on top of me and we both end up flying across the room. "beca please listen to me I didn't mean to scare you I was just shocked that you opened up to me like that " she sighs and looks towards the floor " I'm sorry I have no idea what your feeling right now". I manage to get myself up with out letting regan see my arm, I give her a hand up and take her to the bed and cuddle up next to her as it is the only thing I could do, I couldn't talk but I didn't want to be alone. I start to fall asleep so regan starts to change me into some pjs but I'm to tired to fight it and soon enough I'm closing my eyes , I'm sure she's probably seen the cuts by now. I hear say goodnight and I feel her kiss my head."stay" I mumble " are you sure " she sighs " please " with that she gets back into bed and pulls me close and we both end up falling asleep.

The next morning
Regans pov
I feel terrible I made beca cut. I saw them when I was getting her changed, they were fresh and I can't help but think that I've made her do it. I made beca cut again she hasn't done it in a while but these were worse then all the other times she did it, they were deeper and longer then before and it breaks my heart because I made her do that to herself. After I changed her and saw them I couldn't Bear to see her like this it broke me inside and I would do anything to help her feel better. As I was about to walk out of the door she asks me to stay and I ask her if she's sure and she reply's with "please " so I stay and cuddle her letting her know that I'm Here for her

The next morning
I got up and beca is still sound asleep and it was the week end so we didn't have any classes today which meant that Jesse would come round to hang out, I wonder if Jesse knows she's bisexual, i don't think he does know, or maybe he does oh well I'll ask beca when she wakes up.

I head down stairs to find my dad sat on the stools that surround the island in our kitchen, he's to busy with his to notice me, I go behind him and start to make some coffee for myself, "what happened last night between you and beca ?" My dad asks and I sigh " that's for her to tell you when she's ready" he tilts his head at me " is she ok?" I pour my coffee into my mug and sit down opposite my dad " you might want to talk to her but please don't force her to open up, it'll make her want to hide it more" I take a sip of my coffee and I hear the front door close, I get up and wonder into the living room and see that beca's car keys have gone. I head back over to the kitchen and sit back down and start to read the news paper, after I open the paper and begin reading I hear a knock at the door "I'll get it " I sigh, I get up and head to the front door " oh it's you, I thought I was gunna have to make convocation with a stranger " I say while waving to Jesse " hey nice to see you to" he says sarcastically " come in " I move out of the way and let Jesse in " beca's not in right now but I think she'll be back soon" I say while picking up my paper again and sitting down on the couch with it " umm... actually I'm not here for beca" I look up slightly confused " is everything ok?" He looks down at the floor before speaking again " I saw beca this morning, she was getting in her car and I was going out for a run and I waved at her but she didn't seem to notice me so I carried on with my run only to find her parked back up again on the other side of the road crying her eyes out" he takes a deep breath before carrying on " she finally stoped crying and dug around her car for something, I was about to knock on her window but I noticed that she had found what she was looking for and when she pulled it into view I saw that it was in fact a bag of weed "he took another deep breath before finishing " she pulled some out and made herself a joint, by this time I was just standing there staring at her and she noticed me so I started walking towards her but before I could open the car door she had locked it and started to drive of and that was the last I had seen of her"

Becas pov
" ah shit, what am I going to say now that Jesse has seen me smoke a joint, fuck fuck fuck" I hit the steering wheel a couple of time before laying my head against it. After driving for a while,I've pulled over out side of a cafe just on the outside of town , I pull me head up and look towards the cafe before getting out of my car, I lock my car and begin walking to the cafe entrance but before I could open the door I find someone tapping me on the shoulder, I frown and turn around to see these beautiful eyes looking directly at mine and my frown quickly disappears " hello can I have some help?" She says with a bubbly tone " Yh sure what do you need help with?" I ask "umm I'm looking for this street" she says while handing me a piece of paper. The road that is on the piece of paper is only two blocks away from mine " that's only a couple of blocks away from my place do you wanna lift?"noticing that she has her suitcase and had just got out of a taxi "don't worry I'm not a serial killer" I say to reassure her " serial killers usually say that before they kill someone" she gives me a wink " if you don't mind that would be great, thanks" I give her a smile before helping her put her bags in my trunk " hey I'm just going to quickly get a coffee do you want anything?" She bits her lip " umm agua please thanks" I nod, It's a bit strange that she said agua but I know it means water in Spanish so I choose to ignore it " I'll be right back" after I've got our drinks and we head towards the address. I try to make some convocation" you new here then?" I ask while putting my indicator on and changing lanes "Umm yeah I just moved here from Spain actually" i smile " makes sense now  "

After some time I pull up out side of the destination, turns out that she got the address wrong and actually lives opposite me. " wow " I say while looking at where we are after she give me the correct address " what's wrong, did I upset you?" I turn myself to look at her "no it's just that I live right there"  I say while pointing out the passenger window and behind her "oh wow well hi, nice to meet you I'm Chloe and it looks like we're going to be Vecinos" she says with a smile and extending out her had for me to shake, it took me a while but I finally figured it the vecinos means neighbours, I shake her hand and climb out of the car and make my way round to the back to help her pull her things out "here let me help" she says with a smile " no it's fine, your fine, I've got it " I help her bring her stuff up to the door "thank you for this, I never got a name?" I put her last bag down and extend my hand " beca, beca Mitchell" I give her a small smile " Chloe, chloe Beale". After I say my goodbyes I get back in my car and pull into my drive.