One day she's going to be lazy to breathe and just die

Who is she?

She's a beautiful 15 years old girl with a name, a house, a carring family and good friends like mostly everyone in this world.

She smile, she laugh, she tells jokes, she mess around, she looks happy. But there's things you don't know behind that fake smile, that forced laugh. She tells stupid jokes just to look okay, she's messing around just to forget the pain. That girl isn't happy. She looks but she's not. You never know what's going on into someone's head, never. You may have not realised but her eyes doesn't sparkle anymore, she see life in a different way, a bad way. She hates life. She wants to die physically. She's already dead on the inside. Because there's a different way to die. Body breathes, heart still beats. But no longer alive. Her world became black and white. There's no rainbow after the storm. Why? Because the storm is always there but sometimes hidding. But as soon as she's alone in her bed at night, the storm become bigger than ever. She over thinks, she start questionning her own existence. Why her brother died when he was 8 and she's still here unhappy and her brother up there if he were happy on earth? She's wondering why all the pain is happening to her? 7 billion of people in the world so why her? She prays but it seems like god forgot about her. She cries, she's upset, but doesn't make any sounds. Why? Because she doesn't want anybody to hear her nor herself. She's scared of admitting that she's not okay. She's not. She thinks her problems are too small to talk about it. That's why she kept her mouth shut for such a long time. It's like putting one water drop in a glass everyday. After a while. There's no more place for water. There's no more place for problems in her head. She's busted. That girl is stuck with depression. She scared of what will happen next. If a car come at her i don't know if she'll run or just wait for it to kill her. She won't kill herself but she's not afraid to die. But she's afraid that someday it will change. That someday it'd whether be a car wreck, or a rope around her neck. whether a cut across her wrist, or pills in her fist. Whether she jump infront of a train, or put a bullet in her brain. Cause the hope will might be all the same.. She's afraid about what she'll do to herself. She scratchs herself but there's no scars on her body yet. The scars are on her heart. All that because of love. Because of one boy. Only one. Who made her worst. That girl wasn't really happy before because she was wishing to be but never truly been. Now she's just another sad girl who's wishing to die. She's loosing hope. Hope ; The word that mean the most to her.

H.O.P.E

Hold

On

Pain

Ends.

She's still holding on, waiting for a miracle to happen because she can't do anything more because she's not strong anymore.

She still love and hate at the same time the boy who hurt her.

The only person who can save her is probably that boy.

She was a smart girl until she fell in love.