Nerd Alert! [Narcel]

20.

NIALL.

He stood there in the rain as he watched the bus disappear with a heavy heart. He stood frozen in the heavy rain beating down, still trying to wrap his mind around what the hell just happened.

"Fuck! Fucking hell!" Niall cursed, kicking the wooden pillar of the bridge. He stood there in the rain, grasping the railing, trying to gather his thoughts together.

He cursed himself, because this was all his damn fault. He made this all so complicated and hurt Marcel, when it should have been just so simple.

Niall was the one who asked Marcel out on a date, and only because he wanted to finally tell oblivious Marcel about his confusing feelings and find a way to get rid of them. But then being so close to Marcel had overwhelmed him, and he could see nothing else but to kiss him.

And kissing Marcel had felt so damn perfect, so right, that it made Niall snap back to reality. He was just a moody, turbulent asshole who can't decide on what he wants and only went on this date to confirm and then get rid of his confusing feelings for his friend.

Marcel sure as hell doesn't deserve someone as messed up as Niall.

And while Niall felt like he did the right thing in sending away Marcel in time, he still felt like he was the one who made a mistake. And kissing Marcel was not a mistake, it was one of the best things he ever did. But he had to tell Marcel that it was a mistake. So Marcel won't fall for him and get his heart broken.

That's what Niall can do. He's unpredictable. He hurts people who get close to him.

Niall pulled at his hair in frustration and began walking the long way home through the heavy rain clad in only a cotton tee shirt, shivering, taking his frustration on himself out on his body.

He messed up so fucking badly. Marcel said that Niall hurt him more by saying that what happened between them was a mistake, and now Niall is starting to believe him.

He can't made up his mind like Marcel said, and how right he is. Niall can't decide how to act on his feelings. He wants to get rid of them so he won't hurt Marcel because Marcel doesn't deserve someone like him, he deserves someone less fucked up. But on the other hand, he wants this. He wants to kiss Marcel, hold him close.

He wants the person who knows him best with him, holding his hand, smiling cheekily at him, all the time.

And now he was being selfish, thinking only about what he wants and doesn't wants. But no. He's also thinking of Marcel. He hurt Marcel with his stupid fucking mouth. He will always hurt him. And Marcel can find someone better.

But his head hurt from all the conflicting emotions, he was trying to do what's fucking best for Marcel! Save him from future heartbreak. But in doing so, he already caused him heartbreak.

Niall knew he hurt Marcel beyond belief, but still, why did he give up so easily? Niall had just bared his heart out to Marcel, told him that Marcel is the only one who sees him for him, and he still walked away, gave up, just like that. Did he really not feel anything for Niall? But he said he was waiting for him to make a move.

Marcel just listened to him so easily.

But no. He won't get mad at Marcel. Niall was the one that started this fucking mess. And he was going to be the one to clean it up.

He feels like he doesn't deserve Marcel. But then again, what if Marcel doesn't really care about that? What if he forgives him? He is going to try.

Niall is going to try to win Marcel back. Maybe not win his heart back, maybe not act on his feelings.

He just needs his best friend back.

Niall was going to give Marcel all the time he needs, and during that he was going to sort his own head and heart out. But he already knew one thing.

Being away from Marcel, and him being mad at Niall, was hurting him more than it should.

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Poor insecure Niall. :(

You guys went crazy at the last update! I loved reading the comments. xD Both Niall and Marcel are at fault actually. They both are being stubborn and stupid. But yay Niall is trying! :D

Oh and I started "Alive", which is the third book of this series and the Lirry spin-off to AAMH. (external link) >>

Next chapter will be Marcel and Louis.

~zarrycupcake x