Ironhand (Riders Of Tyr #5 - MC Romance)

25. Attack

Ironhand

"I should have known the Hammers do this charity shit in Arizona for more than the salvation of their souls," Vince claps his hands. "Never had so many willing nurses on my lap. And in my bed. I can cross that off the list of fantasies!"

"It turned out to be a solid plan," Tor eyes me. "No heat on us for this Chiara shit, good publicity for our enterprises. And we made some money for the hospital on top of that."

"I still have Chiara tapped, though," Stig looks at me. "Phones, computers, the works. I may get into the KWSC network just to be safe."

"We'll definitely keep an eye on her," Tor agrees. "Although I think Ironhand fucked her so good, she forgot her name, let alone conspiracy theories. First time one of your dicks solves a problem rather than create one. Good job, chief," he winks at me.

I keep a straight face but I am cringing inside. All the brothers think the same thing. That I fucked Chiara to have her under my thumb. The fact that she went to lengths to keep us on the clear created a tidal wave of rumors on how good a lay I am. I never said a thing, not that my brothers expected me to do so.

But I am boiling inside still. For days now, ever since that damn charity thing. I am like a volcano, churning, in turmoil. I can't sit still, I can't concentrate, I am restless and miserable. The club is safe and Chiara too but I am like a fucking beaten dog. I miss her. Simple as that.

"Thing over," Tor declares and we pour out of the room to the bar.

Bjorn walks up to Ava that looks at their daughter as she runs around in the bar creating a small chaos. Vik takes Lysa in his embrace and they too look at Ariadne. Iris smiles and kisses Rage and Magda crooks her finger at Runner. Fuck, I am jealous for the first time in my life.

I study Bjorn's face and I am floored by the utter happiness I see there. Ava looks back at him adoringly and he leans to take her lips. Vik whispers in Lysa's ear and she smiles caressing his face before leaning for a kiss. Rage holds Iris like the precious thing she is to him. Runner pulls Magda down on his lap. A dark, cold bite cuts off a chunk of my soul and throws it into the abyss. There is nothing for me to do but head for the bar.

"Whiskey," I ask from Jab and he eyes me curiously.

It's the first time I asked him for hard liquor and I bet it won't be the last. I need to forget her, her lips, her eyes, the way I felt wrapped around her. I need to stop dreaming about her, longing for her.

"I said, whiskey!" I hit the bar and Jab jumps up.

"How about some sparring?" Lysa touches my arm.

I turn to her with a furious look and I feel Vik move closer, ready to protect her. I take one deep breath and focus on Lysa once more.

"Come on, Ironhand," she smiles, "you did promise me."

I nod and get up. I never thought that when Bjorn would be gone, Lysa would take his place. I know she reads right through me and she wants me away from the bar. She gives a kiss to Vik that stills eyes me warningly and we both walk to the gym.

"How have you been, Ironhand?" Lysa asks once inside the gym.

I shrug.

"Ah, that classic Ironhand answer," she throws me two rolls of wraps. "It can mean anything from Back off to I miss Chiara."

I freeze and stare at her. She is not smiling, not making fun of me. This is not part of the hazing I got ever since I returned from the cabin. She sees the change in me and she knows exactly the reason behind it. And right now, I hate her for it. 

"Do you?" she demands. "Do you miss her?"

"It's over," I beckon at the ring.

"Is it, though? Because I see you are more miserable than usual, more touchy, more nervous, more broody. You know I care about you," she follows me.

I shake my head to get her off my back. I know she cares about me. God knows why but she does. Not a lot of people do but the Rider princess has made it her business to come closer to me and there was no denying her. But I don't want anyone close to me right now. 

"I am fine. Back off," I warn her.

"So, it is both Back off and I miss Chiara," she smiles.

"It's Back off or I'll hand you your ass," I threaten.

"First of all, haha! You'll never be able to catch me less now that you are so distracted," she warms her shoulders and I know she is right. "Secondly, you've been such a jerk, it's you who needs a little lesson."

"Watch it," I take my fighting stance.

"She was around for days, shooting the pieces, interviewing us," Lysa circles me. "Where the fuck were you?"

Hiding, I throw a mistimed punch that she avoids easily. I look back at her and her look is a mixture of amusement and disappointment. I was hiding and that is the truth. Once more Chiara drove me away and this time I stayed away.

I knew she was around, I had to go to lengths to avoid her each time she made an appearance on our street. I locked myself in my room or took up guard duty to the escort or the studio. Anything to be away from her and her eyes and that husky voice of hers that drives me mad. 

"Ironhand, you are a fucking asshole," Lysa comes at me.

The memory of Chiara calling me like that hits me harder than Lysa's punch. Chiara said it in a playful and genuine way, her eyes shining with want and desire. She was challenging me like no one has ever done before and I took up that challenge willingly. And what did that get me? Pining after a woman I can't have. 

Suddenly, my breath is caught, my limbs go loose and I drop my defense. I can never have her. Fuck! I knew on our way down, on that last drive back to civilization that I would miss the moments we shared but never knew it would hurt so fucking much. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Ironhand?" Lysa is close to me.

"I..."

I can't collapse in front of Lysa, I order myself to get a grip but I can't. I am filled with images of her, her scent, her voice, her essence. It's as if each time she fed me, she gave me some of her, to be part of me forever. How the fuck am I supposed to go back to how I was before?

"It's OK, man. I've felt it too, that shitty feeling, that crippling fear," she places one hand on my shoulder. "For two deadly fighters, we are too fucking spineless when it comes to love," Lysa chuckles.

Me? I am not finding any of this funny. I can't be in love with Chiara, I can't cause I am practically dead inside. You were before her, my subconscious offers and it's goddamn right. I was dead, I was barely living a life worth living. That night when I followed her in the woods, when I fought the cougar to save her, when I carried her body was the first I have felt my heart beat for real. And then her presence brought warmth into my limbs and my shut-out soul that was dormant. 

"Go find her, Ironhand," Lysa comes closer and pleads. "I know what the Riders think but I know better. She went into a lot of trouble and risked far too much just because this was a good lay. It was more. More for her and damn it, it was more for you."

"I can't," I say finally. "We are back now, we are not up there. It is over whatever we had. This is real life. I am an outlaw, she is a reporter."

"Ironhand..." Lysa tries once more but I am done.

I get up, throw the wraps on the mat and go straight for my bike. I spoke the truth to Lysa. It's over that fleeting dream we lived up there, a dream we both knew would come to an end because... Well, because she is too fucking good for me. 

I'll manage. I was free before, just me, the open road and my Harley, the horse I never had like the warriors of my people. I have her and she will take me anywhere. I will ride and I will forget the mouthy, feisty Italian. I will learn to be free again. Though for the life of me I can't remember what I loved about being free and alone.