I searched for the stupid dog every where. I didn't dare go to the kitchen without finding him first. I looked outside, in the bathroom, in the livingroom (I had even looked under the couch.) I couldn't find him. I was about to give up and take being fussed at when I noticed that the bedroom door was open.
We never leave the bedroom door open. None of the animals are allowed in there.
I closed my eyes and took a breath for what I knew I was going to see. I walked into the bedroom and saw the mutt on my side of the bed. He jumped up when he saw me and ran away-Well he tried to run anyways. He ended up just limping and whimpering. I sighed and sat on the ground waiting for him to come to me. We did this every time.
After a while of me talking softly to him he finally limped over to me and laid his head on my lap.
I went through my process of checking him and thought about what happened to him. I had
been sweeping the floor and he kept getting underfoot. I should have put him outside but I was too lost in my head. I only meant to push him out of the way but he went across the room. I stood up and he jumped on me so I pet him and picked him up looking around the bedroom. We both had our own little touches to it. There was a board that said "I love you to the moon and back" and on the wall it said "Kiss me Goodnight." I looked at the stars and the dream catchers.
I remembered why I was mad in the first place.
"You were talking to her again." She said. I could see her anger clear as day.
"I was not!" I tried to stay calm.
"Then why is she still messaging you? You said you blocked her? How do I know you weren't deleting the messages?" She was right and I didn't have any proof to fix this.
"I unblocked her to ask her something." I sighed in defeat.
"Let me see." She reached for my phone and I backed up. This was the wrong move because she grabbed my arm and pushed me against the wall. Her other hand slammed into the wall above my head and I tried not to flinch. Her eyes flashed with her anger and I could see fear mixed with other emotions in them. She held my arm with one hand and I knew it would bruise later. I struggled but I was no match for her strength. She ripped my phone out of my hand but didn't let go of me. She went through the messages then slammed my phone on the ground.
She slammed my hand against the wall and looked at me for a moment before pushing me away and walking out the door. I sank to the floor and cried shaking. I knew it was serious this time because she didn't let herself lose control like that. He anger scared me, but I tried not show it. My own anger scared me for basically the same reasons. I cried until I was angry at myself. And started cleaning. I knew what I was doing when I did it. I mixed up my bleached and everything
else like I did. I didn't put much water in it or put on my gloves. I didn't change my clothes either even though I knew I would mess them up. I scrubbed everything: the couch, the walls, the cabinets, the tables, the stupid decorations around the house, the counters, the sink, the floors, even the washer and dryer. I relished in the pain of the chemicals on my hands. I deserved it.
I felt tears run down my cheeks and the dog started wiggling in my arms. I sat him down outside the door and then closed it. I put my back against the door and broke down again. She was still mad at me but now for different reasons. My biggest fear was losing her. My mind swirled. From her long black hair to her boots. From the very beginning to what might become the end. I started shaking at the last thought I couldn't handle that. Not now, not ever. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to stop crying, I was starting to give myself a headache. But the pain in my chest wouldn't fade and I kept thinking about all of my mistakes. I knew she would see the dog was okay and come to find me if I was gone to long. I stood up wiping my face. As if my thoughts had summoned her the door nob turned and there she stood in the doorway.
