Everyone Breaks 2

-24. A New Belief

"Zo, what do you think about me"..."give me your honesty"

"What do I think of him..."

"What does he want to hear..."

"What is he looking for in this question..."

"What could I say that would end my pain & suffering..."

The thoughts going through my head at that moment, made me hesitant to reply.

__________
Honest

hon·est

ˈänəst/

adjective

1. free of deceit and untruthfulness;

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Honesty

hon·es·ty

ˈänəstē/

noun

1. the quality of being honest.
______
My definition

2. Something people say they want, but normally aren't really happy to hear, in the end.

3. The thing that will probably have me in a ball on the floor begging forgiveness if I give it completely.

"Zo I'm waiting" he replied as I sat there staring at the floor. My mouth was closed as I cleaned my teeth with my tongue from the food I just ate.

I looked up at him for a second, then at the sink, wall, floor. "Well, I think you're strong & kind to the girls. You have pretty eyes & youre stron-"

"Zo, cut your sh*t or I'm putting you over my knee. You have 3 seconds!" He said with frustration.

"1..2.-" he started to count until I cut him off.

"You're mean & evil!" I blurted out first.

"You like to see me suffer for no reason"

"I think you're a horrible person for taking my girls & for the way you treat woman like objects"

"You love me in your own way. I think you know what's best for me sometimes, but I know what's best for me too."

"You want my honesty, I hate you, but I love you & I dont know why.
You've messed with my head. You've made me say it so many times, I just don't know anymore what's really right & what's really wrong."

He was just standing there staring at me. Like he was filtering through all my words. I avoided eye contact most of the time.

"keep going Zo. Remember, you might not get another chance" he said.

"Okay, you're cruel & egotistical. You think women can be used & abused. You're a rapïst Pav! You're a deciever & I dont really know why. I use to want you to die, now I don't know what I want" the last words I said were the ones that really scared me. Why didn't I want him dead anymore. When did this change. I didn't realise until now that it had.

"Zoe what do you want right now, what would make you happy"

He's actually asking me this. Why is he asking me this. "To be free from you guys and to have my daughter's back."

"What if I told you, you had to chose one or the other right now. Which would you chose"

Why would he make me chose like this. I couldn't chose freedom over my girls ever. That would be like leaving a living breathing part of me with them. A part I would probably never see again if I was really able to chose freedom. "I would chose the girls" I said realizing what he was doing. "Why would I have to chose Pav. Other people on this planet don't have to chose between their children & their freedom"