OO-RAH!

Chapter 18

"Hayden!" she shouts. I shake my head and urge for tears to escape my aching eyes. "HAYDEN!" she outs again. I see her finger pull the trigger back farther and farther. . . 

"HAYDEN!" Billie-Mae shouts. My eyes fly open and I sit up abruptly, panting heavily like I just sprinted for a mile. I felt hot and I could feel my t-shirt and hair sticking to my skin from sweating so much. My heart pounded in my chest and I could feel the trails of tear marks on my face from crying. "Calm down, shh, it's okay." Billie-Mae coos. She rubs my back soothingly, trying to get me to calm down. I looked around to see that I was in my bedroom, and my bed was completely disassembled. My blankets were tangled and barely on the bed, one of my pillows was halfway across the room. I reached out and gave Billie-Mae's are a squeeze to make sure I wasn't dreaming anymore. She gave me a reassuring look, telling me she's actually there. 

"I had that nightmare again." I say, still trying to catch my breath. I frantically wipe the tear marks off my face and smooth my damp hair back. I've been having the same, reoccurring nightmare for two months now. It doesn't happen every night, but it was pretty regular throughout the weeks. There was a point where I was afraid to sleep, and I would just stay up all night taking care of things on the farm. I re-fenced the entire horse pasture, I cleaned out the chicken coop and pig pen, and cleaned out their troughs. I even replaced all the horses' shoes, brushed them, repainted the front and back porch. When Billie-Mae and Daisy realized what was going on with me, they begged me to sleep and told me it wasn't healthy to avoid sleep. When I told them about my nightmare, they started staying in my room while I slept so when I stared dreaming, they'd be ready to wake me up. Eventually, the nightmare started coming less and less, and the girls were able to stay in their own rooms again. But, every now and then my screams and cries will wake them up in the middle of the night, and they come rushing to my aid. The nightmare itself is always the same thing, yet it never seems familiar until I wake up, sweating, out of breath, and terrified. 

"I know. I realized that once you started crying out for help, again." Billie-Mae says. "Have you told Chase about it?" she asks, standing up from her crouched position beside my bed. I stare at my hands as I fiddle with my blanket. 

"No. I don't want him worrying about me when he's got an important job to do. A stupid bad dream should be the least of his worries." I tell my cousin. I tried so much to avoid the topic of my nightmare when I wrote my letters to Chase. Every time I run out of things to fill him in on here at home, I go back and forth about telling him. Then, I think about how tasked he probably is, and how he's already worried enough about me, and I don't want to be the reason he can't do his job the right way. 

"Do you plan on telling him?" Billie-Mae asks. I glance up at her and shrug my shoulders. 

"I don't know. I just keep hoping it'll stop coming and I can just forget about, act like it never happened. Besides, it's just a stupid dream." I say. 

"Hayden, that's not a dream. That's a nightmare. Every other day, Daisy and I are waking you up from screaming and crying, begging for someone to stop shooting. You wake up in a mess, and you're exhausted the next day." Billie-Mae says. She was the most concerned out of the two. She was always asking how I slept, and if anything changed in the nightmare. "I think you need to talk to someone. Maybe this is more serious than we think." she suggests.

"If you're suggesting that I go to a psychiatrist, you've got another thing coming." I say, fixing the blankets to that they sat on my bed properly and getting up to grab my pillow from across the room. 

"Well, not necessarily a psychiatrist, but maybe someone who's in the same situation as you?" Billie-Mae says. I look her confused. "There's this website where wives with a military spouse give out advice and tips to newly married military spouses, specifically wives and even children. I'm sure if you came into contact with someone and talked to them, maybe they could give you some tips about dealing with the situation." she explains.