Burning Sky // Alec Lightwood ➰

You've been avoiding me.

"I might be a vampire but I was raised a good catholic." Speaks up Raphael not taking his gaze from Simon.

"The vampires broke the accords." Isabelle spits out. "Killing Simon is grounds for war."

"The vampires were not behind this." Raphael insists. "Just Camille. She attacked Simon on her own."

"Yeah right." I roll my eyes. "How do we know you're telling the truth?" I challenge him.

"I could've gotten rid of him." He defends. "And instead I brought him here. I don't want trouble with the shadowhunters."

I breath out and shake my head. I can't deal with all of this right now. It's not my battle to fight.

"I'll...I'll head back to the institute." I say and I probably seem exhausted because nobody protests.

^^^^^^

I head to my room with a heavy feeling in my chest. I may not have been too close with the boy but nevertheless he didn't deserve that. He was okay on his own without all of these demons and vampires into his life. We were born to do this. He wasn't. He just got into this against his will. And now he is paying the consequences.

At the end of the corridor I notice Alec making his way towards the training room.

"Did they believe you?" I ask him and he seems puzzled that I spoke to him.

"Uhh...yeah everything's fine." He says and attempts to continue his way but I speak again stopping him in its tracks.

"You've been avoiding me."

He seems taken aback by the accusation thrown at him and shakes his head, scratching the back of his neck. Honestly, I'm taken aback too, I didn't think I had the guts to confront him like this.

" No...it's not..that." I nod in disappointment that he refuses to at least admit it and lower my head.

"Right..." I say starting to move towards my room but he stops me.

"Look, I'm sorry, it's just...I..." he struggles to find the correct words.

I sigh.

"Just forget it." I say entering my room but before I manage to close the door he places his foot inside stopping me.

"Please." He starts as he enters the room and closes the door behind him.

"I am trying here! Don't make it harder for me than it already is." I roll my eyes and scoff at him.

"I am making it hard for you? And what is so hard for you exactly?"

He hesitates a little before speaking up again. "Seeing you like this, imagining how it happened, what caused it, every scenario worse than the other." He tries but I cut him off.

"Imagine living it." I sigh getting angrier and angrier. My words seem to have stricken the older boy because he averts his gaze towards the ground in shame. "So what? You thought that by not talking to me everything would go away? That forgetting my existence was the best solution? You don't get to bail on someone because you can't handle their reality!" I raise the tone of my voice and he shakes his head, looking now angry and desperate.

"By the angel! I know. But do you want to know the truth? Why I did what I did?" He asks but continues before I have time to answer his question. His next words leaving me dumbfounded. "Because I was terrified when I saw you like this, because I didn't think of any consequence when I ignored anyone and brought you here to draw this rune on you by myself. Because when I saw...everything...I was furious, I wanted to find whoever did it and..." he lets out a frustrated groan. "Because I'm not used at caring this much! That's why." He stops and takes in a few breaths and when he speaks again he is calmer. "And I know, that it doesn't make me less of an ass, but I was just scared. So I pushed you away."

I am left looking at him not being able to utter a single word, my mind tries to process what he just said but his words keep spinning in it, confusing me. There are a few moments of complete silence and I beg myself to find something to say.

"I...uhm...woah." I manage to breath out and I mentally curse myself.

"Yeah..." he replies as lamely as I did, looking me intensely in the eyes.

"I'm sor-"

"It's my fault. I should have handle it better, I should have talked to you, asked you, instead of walking away."

I sigh running a hand through my hair. "Yeah...you should have."

Alec nods and thinks about it for a second before asking, " is it too late know? To ask I mean. If you wanna tell me of course."

I don't know what to answer really. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about it, I just want everything from this period of my life erased. I want to talk to Alec about it, but...

"No...I-i don't know." I say sighing and he nods blushing.

"I totally get it. You don't have to..."

"No I want to." I interrupt him. "I just don't know if I can. It's too painful, I just need all this memories to be gone. I just want the pain to be gone." I whisper and close my eyes, taking a few minutes to think.

When I open them again the older boy is looking down at me with concern and he looks divided, like he is debating something with himself. He takes a step forward to me and I don't move. Looking down at me and noticing how close we are makes him a bit uneasy and his cheeks and neck flare up. My hands are shaking and I'm grateful he hasn't noticed. His green eyes land on my grey ones and he lifts his hand and gently presses it to my cheek. And I feel breathless. Not the kind of breathless I am used at feeling, a good breathless, that leaves a knot on my stomach. He is so close that I can feel his breath, he smells like coffee. I am so lost in his eyes that I first do t notice when he speaks up.

"Okay, how about that... I'll leave now and let you relax and think about it, and when you are ready,  if  you are ready you can come and talk to me." He says and takes a last look at me before dropping his hand and starting to move away.

Before he reaches the door I grab his wrist causing him to spin around and look at me.

"No." I start and he looks confused. "If I don't tell you now I'll never will. And I want to. So wait."