If I Die Young

49. Concern

I sat in school the next day with my head on the desk and my mind miles away, mapping out what I could remember of that God forsaken facility. My pencil scribbled on my paper absent-mindedly until I realized exactly who was on my paper: Ritter was staring back, his thin rubber skin broken to reveal an oozing, dripping smile. I shivered and remembered Lily's innocent eyes as they decayed with a craving for flesh, her still, smiling image becoming the prompt for my next sketch. It was taking all my focus just to try and draw the shape of her head; I couldn't even remotely pay attention to the lesson.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Huh?"

I sat bolt upright, startled by the sudden appearance of someone standing at the end of my desk. My heart trembled a little in my chest when my blue eyes met another pair, ones that I''d known intimately. Ethan's concern was real and valid, but for some reason I felt as if it might be best if I kept him in the dark.

"Oh, I'm fine," I shook my head, realizing class was about to be over and starting to pack away my things. I hadn't realized that while I was distracted Ethan had turned my sketchbook around to look, "hey!"

"Who's this?" He asked, pointing at Lily's picture. She looked almost...real.

"No one, just a nightmare," I said as I snatched the book away, shoving it in my bag when the bell rang.

"Sable, you know I'm not mad at you, right?" Ethan told me as he caught up to me in the hall. "I'm actually really worried, to be honest."

"Look, Ethan," I turned around, gazing at him sternly, "I appreciate the concern but...things are about to get real crazy real quick and honestly, I want you to be as far away from it as possible."

"I know," he said quietly, his shoulders drooping, "I've seen all the trucks in town. They're looking for someone, aren't they?"

"Agnes, the girl everyone is considering a savior, she's out of the Pennsylvania facility. They must be amping up the agents around here in case she flees to another state."

"That's..."

"Big," I nodded, "I know." I hoisted my bag back up onto my shoulder as we stood there, feeling like there was a disconnect. It just wasn't the same talking to him. "Stay south, if you don't want to get caught up in our problems."

"You act like you don't care at all."

His words kept me from walking away. I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping my hand at my side while I tried to keep myself from breaking down as I turned back around to look at him.

"No, it's actually the opposite," I felt tears in the back of my closed-up throat as I spoke, "I still care way too much and I don't know what I'd do if you got hurt. So please Ethan, leave me alone. For your sake and mine."

He seemed to get the hint and let me leave without any further questions. My heart was pounding in my ears and I couldn't even hear my cousin's car pull around the corner when I got to the bottom of the steps. Noelle was in the back seat, a big smile on her face when she rolled the window down and stuck her head out, but when she handed me the coffee that Kathryn must've bought for me she saw the pain in my eyes. I bit my lip and got inside, leaning into her the moment the door was closed and I had room to relax.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, "it hurts so much."

"What hurts?" Kathryn asked from the front seat, worry in her eyes when she turned back to look at me.

"Ethan tried to talk to me today and I just shut down on him," I laughed remorselessly, "I can't let him get close to me again. He's going to get hurt or even killed. We aren't normal. He deserves to get the chance to be."