Baby Yesung

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"Have a nice day papa."
This is so hard. Almost every day I fight with urge to lock us in our apartment and spent eternity with my baby boy. He waved at me and go with Seokjin and I drive to work. Luckily some surgeries has been canceled so shortly after lunch time I drive back. Seokjin opens the door with watery eyes.
"What happened Seokjin!!"
He just shakes his head and I run inside. In living room is laying tightly swaddled Yesung. I kneeled next to him and see ugly bruise on his forehead.
"I was playing with them but how can one person entertain three boys? And suddenly Jimin told to Yesung that he should go and play with his papa. Yesung ran away and banged his head against floor. I tried to stop him, I really tried! Sorry Siwon."
Seokjin is crying now so I quickly pat his shoulder and ensure him that it wasn't his fault. My boy opens his eyes and I unwrap the blanket.
"He was sleeping for last two hours."
I lift my boy and lay his head on my shoulder. Yesung whimper silently and I rock him in my arms. Seokjin hands me his plushie and I put blanket over Yesung's head.
"Try to sleep some more honey. Papa is here so don't worry and sleep."
I gently rub circles on his back and pat his diapered bum. Soon he is breathing deep and I know that he is sleeping.
"I spanked Jimin for the first time."
Seokjin looks shaken with it and pat Yesung on back. So this is the reason why the apartment is so quiet. Back at home I mark this day in calendar with red marker. Blue dot for physical problem, red cross for mental problem.

Two years ago Yesung had mental breakdown. He was always fragile and his job was too hard and stressed him. Yesung is suffering depressions and anxiety and that he is my baby helps him a lot but sometimes his mental problems are stronger than him. Physical problems are caused by his broken pelvis.

I am doing it because it help to check if is Yesung doing progress. I gently put Yesung on our huge bed and see that he is awake. I press ice pack on the bruise on his forehead and he whimper and try to get away.
"Shhh it's okay."
I kiss my baby on cheeks and he is calm again. After while I put aside the ice pack and lift my boy. I bath him and diapered him. Then I dress him in panda onesie with socked feet and mittened hands. The last addition is hood of the onesie over his head. Now my baby is warm and he is so cute. He looks like small panda bear cub. It is weird, he likes turtles and I have panda obsession.  I put ointment on the bruise and lift him. I carry him to kitchen and open cupboard where I store his baby bottles, sippy cups and different flavoured milk powder.
"Which milk do you want my panda bear cub?"
Yesung isn't responding and when I look at him I see that he has glassy unfocused eyes. After such hard meltdown when he tried to hurt himself Yesung is alway in this mindset. Now it is pointless to ask him for anything so I pick his favourite vanilla flavoured powder. I put amount of the powder in baby bottle and add water. Then I put the bottle in microwave and heat it little bit. After microwave beep I shake the bottle and check temperature of the milk, I don't want burn my baby's tongue. I go to living room and sit on couch. I cradle Yesung close to my chest and put the nipple in his mouth. Soon he is sucking on nipple and drooling. I wipe his face with napkin and pat his back until he burped. Bugsy is watching us and in moment when I lay Yesung on pile of blankets Bugsy jumps and lay next to him. I turn on Nemo and go for my laptop. I sit on couch next to his rocker and skip the sad beginning because it always makes my baby cry. He is watching movie and I am doing paperwork. I take a break and make myself cup of cafe and sippy cup with orange juice for my baby. I hold the sippy cup in front of his mouth because with mittened hands he cant do it himself. Yesung takes few sips and watch the movie again.
"You have to tell papa if you are thirsty or hungry."
Yesung nods silently and I slip my finger in his nappy to check if he is wet. He isn't so I can work in peace. Yesung loves Nemo and in moment when turtles appear on TV screen he claps his hands happily.
"My baby really likes turtles. Do you?"
He gurgles happily but then yaw.
"Someone is really sleepy. Come papa will tuck you."
I lift him and carry him to his bedroom. I changed his wet diaper and lay him down. I kiss my baby on forehead and enjoy his scent for while and then left him to get some strength after such exhausting day. I finished paper work and put clothes to washing machine. Then I start making dinner - haemul pajeon. The food is ready and I hear that Yesung is wriggling in crib so I go and take him out. I run him warm bath and suddenly I hear ringing of my phone. I put his rubber duck on bathroom counter and sit him in water.
"Sit still, papa will be back in minute."
I pick up the call and it is Minho calling. But before we can speak I hear blood cuddling scream from bathroom. I run back and almost pass out on threshold. Yesung is laying on floor between bathtub and bathroom counter. He is crying and screaming and when I lift him I see why. His left arm is crooked and swollen and I think that it is broken.
"Baby look at me! It will be okay, papa will fix it."
Yesung is wailing in pain and I quickly dress him in shorts and shirt and swaddle him in blanket. Then I quickly lift him and take diaper bag, my wallet, phone and car keys. I carefully strapped Yesung in his car seat and drive to hospital. I dial Onew and try to coax Yesung.
"Onew I need your help! Yesung fall down in bathroom and I think that he has broken arm."
Onew promised that he will be ready and I fly with my car to underground parking. I quickly put pacifier in his mouth and wrap him with the blanket more so he is completely covered, even his head. I must look like lunatic. In sweatpants and shirt, with tears stained face and crying bundle in my arms. I am finally in Onew's office and catch my breath. Onew carefully takes Yesung from me and lay him on stretcher. He unwrapped my baby and examine his arm. It is even more swollen and Yesung is so damn pale. He is still crying and reach his good hand to me.
"Baby papa is here. Uncle Onew is going to help you."
I sit next to my boy and sit him on my lap.
"Siwon I need to do X-ray but it is probably broken."
Onew lead us to room with X-ray machine. After short fight I succeed in laying him on stretcher. The picture from X-ray show that Yesung really has broken arm so he needs cast. I carry Yesung back to office and Onew prepare everything. The whole process his little fist clench my shirt firmly. Onew gave him shot with sedatives and after few seconds body of my baby become limp. I hold my boy tightly and Onew put his broken arm in cast. Yesung's arm is in cast from elbow to middle of his palm. He can move his fingers but not much, he won't be able to hold anything.
"He will wake up soon."
I thanked him and wrap Yesung with blanket again. I carry him back to car, strapped him in car seat and drive back home. When we arrive he is slowly waking up.
"Ducky we are at home."
Then I lift him and take a elevator. Seokjin meet us in hallway and after I explain what happened he goes with me.
"Take a shower Siwon and I will dress him."
The shower helps to my tense muscles. Suddenly I realise how tired I am. When I step out of the bathroom Yesung is already diapered and dressed in grey pants and my dark red sweater which is oversized for his small frame but it is big enough for his cast. They are in kitchen, Yesung is sitting in highchair and Seokjin heat up my haemul pajeon. I am feeding him and quietly cry, I was so scared when he was screaming and I found him on floor. Seokjin is still repeating that Yesung is okay but it doesn't help much. We are eating when Namjoon comes with Jimin and Taehyung. Every of them carry some bag. Namjoon carries bag with fruit, Jimin bag with sweets and Taehyung bag with some stuff from pharmacy. Yesung eats just a little bit and then starts to cry.
"Shh my poor baby. I know it hurt."
I gently pick him from highchair and sit him on my lap. Seokjin hands me bottle of warm milk and I press painkiller pill to his lips but he refused to open and continue crying.
"Baby boy, it will help you."
He still refuse but Namjoon has idea.
"Siwon put the pill in chocolate candy."
And really in moment when Yesung see the candy he stops crying. Yesung opens his mouth widely and chew the chocolate. The painkillers work fast so Yesung is okay soon and we have dinner. He doesn't eat much and he is obviously sleepy so Seokjin, Namjoon and boys leave. I don't want to put my little boy in crib so I lay him on bed next to me. Instead of bath i wash his body with wet washcloth. Yesung is so tired that he fall asleep during diaper change.