The Tall Tales of Daphne Monroe

Thursday 5th March

7:30am

The party is in TWO days.

TWO days.

I told Dad that I was going to Alex's parents' house in the country for the weekend with the gang.

Wellll...it's half true. I am going with them, and it is a house in the country. I might just have fibbed a little on who owns it.

But I mean, come on! If Dad found out I were going around a PRINCE's house his eyeballs would come shooting out of his face.

Better to keep him, and his eyeballs, in the dark so then nobody gets hurt.

Including me.

9:30am

'What are you going to wear?'

Oh no, this again.

'I don't know, why don't you tell me?' I ask Jade as she links arms with me. She smiles scarily down at me.

'You're learning so fast.'

'Just no Choos this time.'

'How DARE you.'

10:00am

I've hardly slept since he asked me. I look like a panda the circles round my eyes are so dark. Or like I've been punched in the face. Although given my darling brother's violent tendencies that's not such an absurd deduction.

I must ask Fee her advice on getting rid of them. The circles, not the violent little brothers. Although...

Oh no. Oh, God no.

Adeline's coming this way.

Beside me Eddie starts humming the Jaws theme tune under his breath.

'Hey, Eddie! I heard you're going to Théo's this weekend?'

She's completely ignoring me. Game on.

'Yep,' Eddie somehow manages to make the word sound like an insult.

'It's going to be amazing, I have this thing on Friday I simply cannot get out of, but Daddy's flying William and me to Théo's on Saturday for the party. He's just the best.'

'Flying? He's lending you his winged horned beast for the weekend?' I mutter under my breath.

Unfortunately, not quiet enough.

Daphne, I tell myself under the gaze of devil eyes, make peace with the world because this Hell Queen is about to kill you.

Eddie is trying not to laugh as Adeline rounds on me.

'Oh, and I suppose you'll be catching the bus, will you?' she says nastily. She makes 'bus' sound like a disease.

'Actually-' I start.

'She's coming with me,' Eddie interrupts. He sneaks his arm around me- what is he doing?

'Aw, that's so cute. Eddie, you are so sweet to help the...' She looks me up and down.

I hate her...I hate her.

'...less fortunate.'

10:15am

'What were you doing?' I ask after Hell Queen has strutted off. I shrug off his arm.

'Saving your bacon. You tell Adeline that Théo is sending a car to pick us up, or more specifically pick you up, she'll have you strapped to a stick hanging over an open flame before you know it, ready to eat you alive.'

'That's quite visual, thank you for that.'

4:00pm

You know when you are trying to forget something but reminders just pop up everywhere?

Well, that's what it's been like all day.

I keep seeing Adeline everywhere.

I think she's stalking me.

I'd be flattered if I didn't think she could cut my throat with her nail file. And probably get away with it.

7:00pm

'It's so nice of you to invite Daphne to your parents' house this weekend, Alex,' Dad says after dinner.

'Of course, it will be fun.' Alex is literally sweating through her school uniform lying to my dad.

How can there be so much goodness in one small person? Clearly this is both a blessing and a curse because if she gives the game away SHE IS DEAD.

She is dead beyond belief.

Dad made me invite everyone round AGAIN. He really does think he's part of the gang. And this time his tattoos are on full display, including 'JANE FOREVER.'

'I think it's sweet,' Fee comments when Eddie notices it.

'My mother's name was Audrey.'

'Oh.'

9:45pm

Graham the Dog came back.

He just wandered through the front door and was sat next to Granddad Tony for about an hour before any of the people in the pub noticed he was even there.

Even Granddad Tony was surprised and Graham was sitting on his feet. And he had peed on them a little.

This place is so weird.

10:00pm

Dad dropped Alex, Jade and Eddie home in the van.

It this old Volkswagen Hippie mint green monstrosity that Dad bought a while back online.

He was probably drunk at the time. I bet it was the same night 'JANE FOREVER' was born.

It's the only explanation I can think of.

But either way my friends looked like they would rather die of embarrassment that get a lift in it.

But they had to go. Teehee.

11:30pm

Jade does have a point though, what am I going to wear this weekend?

This isn't just a few hours in a dark club; this is the whole weekend!

I need to look my best for...hold on...wait...OH, GOD- HOW MANY HOURS IS THAT?

11:45pm

Too many, is the answer. Tooooooooo many.

I may be having a heart attack.