Serendipity

Disappointment

"You can't even remember to take a fucking pill you're so mentally damaged!" He snaps.

His words hit me like a tidal wave.

"Wow. Oh wow." I scoff stepping away as it dawns on him on what he had said.

"N-no. I didn't mean it. Katy-"

"You can go back to Vegas now." I interrupt before spinning on my heels and marching into Walmart.

"I'm just going to follow!" He calls.

I ignore him entirely and head straight into the restrooms, throwing him a look of victory knowing he can't enter.

But I barely make it into the cubicle before I'm on my knees throwing up into the toilet. It's only as I'm alone that I let fear take hold of me. The fear of being pregnant and having to carry a child for 9 months. The idea of having to give birth and care for the child and tell myself that I need to love this baby with every ounce of my being because their father didn't want them.

I gasp for fresh air as the smell of stomach acid burns my nose. Scrambling off the floor, I hit on the tap and push my mouth under the water trying to stop the burn in my throat. But when it subsides and I look into the mirror at myself, at my stomach, I'm back in front of the toilet again.

My hair is pulled up and a large hand rubs my back as his cologne infiltrates my nose.

"Y-you can't be in here."

"Let them try and stop me... I'm sorry for what I said. I was scared, I am scared." He admits.

His feelings echo mine and I'm left to cry against the toilet "W-what if I am?!" I sob. "I can't do that Zak! I can't have an abor-"

"Shh.. It's okay. Don't think about that now. We don't know anything yet."

"But Patti said-"

"And sometimes messages get interpreted wrong. Perhaps we all thought of it in the wrong light."

"You're lying, we know what she meant."

"I know.. But I don't want you thinking about that right now. We don't know anything and this could all be nothing."

My hand held my stomach "But what if it isn't? You don't want this. You said it yourself."

I hear him sigh "Katy, I can't be a father with my kind of life, I can't bare the idea of having a child because I can't deal with the anxiety. The responsibility of having a child, a child I have to care for and guard with my life. I don't think like normal people do.. I've never been able to."

"You don't want to grow old with m-me." I cry pushing my head into my hands as my body shakes.

"I do, sweetie I do. Please believe me. I wouldn't have came back to you or told Billy if I didn't see a future of us being together."

"But you don't want a child."

"And you do?"

I shrug. I had never considered it to be an option. "I don't know. But I do know that if I am, right now. Then I'm not going to any damn clinic. You can hate me all you want but I can't, I can't face that!"