Opalescent

Chapter 19: Aquamarine

Warning: This chapter has the implication of rape. Please don't read if you are sensitive to the mention of it.

Dear Dad,

I've tried writing this letter to you so many times today, but I just can't find the words to say to you. I'm sorry I didn't listen. I should've, I know I should've. You tried to stop me but I went behind your back and I guess I got what I deserved.

But you. You died because of my mistake, because of my idiocy. I haven't been able to live it down since that night. Since the phone call the next day. Since the moment we both started to raise our voices.

You didn't know what happened. You thought I did it willingly. I mean, Anika wasn't ever your favorite friend of mine and I understand why now. But I did it for her. I wanted to be like everyone and she paired me up with him. I swear I told him not to. I told him to stop. I felt so violated and hurt and I just wish I listened to you. Even after a whole year I still feel the violation.

I was already sick and tired of everything and now I can't even will myself to eat without thinking I don't deserve to. You died because you were so upset of what I said. I've never wanted to kill myself more than right now reliving all this. You're the one who's supposed to be here. Not me. I don't deserve to.

I don't know why I'm writing to you. I know I can't give this in, but I need closer. I need something. I need to talk to you.

I wish I never walked out that door and met up with him. I wish you never walked out that door after I yelled that I hated you. I don't and I didn't. I hated myself and I still do.

Here's the thing. When I left all I was thinking off was how to fit in. Anika had a boyfriend and I wanted one too so when she told me she got me a date I just had to go. But it didn't end well, as you can tell. I should've listened to you. And you shouldn't have listened to me when I yelled at you. You were just doing what a scared father would have done.

When I snuck out of the house I went with Tyler to the movies and afterwards he said we should have a stroll. He seemed like the nicest guy. He made me laugh and smile. You would've liked him so much if you saw us at that moment.

We walked all the way to the hidden park down Anderson's Road. It was empty for the obvious reason of it being like 11pm. And we both wanted to swing and act like weird kids. Which was fun.

He went down the slide before me. He said, "I want to catch when you come out," and I remember thinking that was so cute of him. So after he playfully coaxed me to stop being a baby and slide down the damn slide. He kissed right on the lips.

This feels weird writing, knowing it's for you Dad. But that's when he did it. He didn't let me come out for air. He just kept leaning forward until I had my back on the slide with the bits of sand on the slide on my dress and hair.

"Tyler, stop." I laughed as I told him. But he didn't stop. I felt him everywhere even before he manage to hitch my dress and slide my underwear a couple of inches off me.

I remember coming home that night with mascara smudge below my eyes and lipstick smudge down my chin, I looked like a mess. It felt like I was just corpse walking. When I entered the house you looked furious and I felt just the same. I felt used, like a stupid toy and all I wanted was to wash everything of that night away but that look on your face reminded me of how much I want to hurt Tyler. So it came out on you. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I screamed at you to leave. I'm so sorry that the last word you heard from me was "I hate you." I don't, Daddy. Please know that. Please.

I love you.

A/N

I hope you liked this chapter. I apologize for it taking so long. I am just so preoccupied with school and stress and it's taking a toll on me. I hope I communicated the feeling I wanted  to emit from this chapter and I truly hope you enjoyed. Leave me some comments to motivate me please! And if you enjoyed don't forget to vote.

What did you think of this chapter?

Where you surprised by Opal's past?

Did this make you cry or feel upset?

Love you guys so much!!