💛
ethan's pov
"come on baby, it's time to go" i say
i see y/n walking down the stairs wearing a knee length dress covered in sunflowers
i smile widely at her as she sends a small smile back to me
~
we arrive at the place
it's 3:00 on the dot, never a minute before or later
it always has to be 3:00 because her mother, that being her only family considering her father left when she was only one, was taken away from her at that very moment
and she vowed to herself, to come and visit her mother every other sunday at 3:00
we sit right on the edge of the dock, our feet dangling over the soft waves below us
she leans her head on my shoulder as we both stare out at the salty waves crashing ashore and being swept back in over and over again
she sighs happily next to me, watching the waves crash, as i smile at her
and i realized at that moment, that she didn't just like the waves because her mother's ashes were somewhere in there, but because every time the waves left the shore they always came back
and that is something that gave her hope
that maybe her father would come and try to find her
or that her mother simply never died and she's been living in a twisted dream
but when 4:00 strikes, reality comes crashing down, and there is a small frown on her face
she takes my hand and we get back in the car
and when we arrive home, she is happy again
and it breaks me because i never know if she's faking her feelings towards me or not
i know, deep down, that she loves me or loved me at one point
but i can never tell her true feelings as of now
and i don't wanna leave her because that would break me even more, let alone hurt her
but i am just stuck here, emotionless
not knowing what i am to her or where i stand in her life
i just don't know if i can take it anymore
i- fuck it, i'm doing this
i write her a letter, telling her everything that i feel and then leave it on her dresser
i then walk out of that house and out of her life
and i hate to be like this, but i can't be an ocean wave this time
because every time i felt like leaving in the past, i stayed and went back to her
but not this time
this time, i'm going to live my life the way i want to, not grieving every other sunday and feeling like i can't express my feelings
i'm starting a new life with a new beginning because it is never to late to change your life around
💛
