March 2013
Harry's pov:
I was back at my house after stopping off at Melody's. I was surprised as to how things had went with her. It felt normal to speak to her, as if id known her for years. She was definitely not like most girls and that became clear to me the very first day I met her when we went to that club and she turned me down. In a way it actually felt good. It felt good to know she wasn't just talking to me because I was hot or she was trying to sleep with me but instead it was just me and who I am as a person. For all I know she could hate me and put on an act but Melody doesn't seen like the type to do that. Every time we talk though she listens, like really listens. She will focus on you and just you. She will ask you questions about what you just said to show she was listening. She will talk to you for as long as you need until she knows you feel better. She cares, even if you were a stranger on the street, she would still care. I got all that from 6 days about what type of person she is and my conclusion is good. Melody is a good person.
I fell head first on to my bed after taking off my shoes and the majority of my clothes. I didn't move to get into a comfortable position and just lay there with my face pressed against the bed, making it difficult to breathe. I was exhausted. Before I passed out due to suffocating I slid further up the bed and onto my back, pulling the covers over my body. Immediately I was wrapped up in warmth and I basked in it. I lay still for 5 minutes, looking up at the plain white ceiling, finding absolutely nothing about it interesting but continuing anyway.
My mind wandered back to Melody and the kiss that could've been amazing. Every time I thought about her my heart sped up a little more than it should and I got all warm inside. It was an unfamiliar feeling but I can't say if I like it or not.
I've not even know her long, I shouldn't be feeling anything for her. I've had fuck buddy's for 3 years that have been nothing but platonic but a girl I meet at work and have only know 6 days makes me feel weird. It's hard to ignore the feelings when we work together and see each other practically every day.
There are so many reasons we could never have a relationship though and 99 percent of they reasons are all me. In my own way I'm fucked up and i deal with it in fucked up ways, mainly sex. I have secrets, a past, that I could never bring anyone into, definitely not her.
I think I'm scared of feeling this way for someone. I've never loved a girl, except from my mum and sister. I've never told a girl I loved them. I've never been in a serious relationship with a girl. I've never really experienced feelings for a girl. Obviously I don't love her but there is something there and I'm scared incase one day down the line I will love her and I'll end up screwing everything up in a way only I can.
Sometimes I do wish I was a normal teenager when I was in high school and had girlfriends, where we would think we were in love and it would be the best thing ever. But it was the opposite and by the age of 15 I was having sex with different girls. I looked older than 15 so most girls didn't bother asking my age and others were too drunk to care. I guess i never had a girl I loved to get me out of the habit of it and so that's how my life was and still is.
I started drinking and smoking when I was 14 and lost my virginity a year later to a 17 year old girl I met at one of the many parties I attended. I loved it and ever since I've been sleeping around.
Now I still have sex a lot with strangers and fuck buddy's but I stopped smoking when I was 17 as I didn't really enjoy it but only actually did it because everyone else did. I never got addicted to cigarettes, unlike other people which I'm glad about. I still drink but after an incident that occurred when I was 17 at a high school party I didn't drink for 2 years.
Something I'm vey proud of though is that I've never done drugs, not once. It feels good to say that as most of my life is a big fuck up and I've made plenty of mistakes but that is one thing I can always say no to.
