X-Marks: Hiding Shadows

Forgetful

"Damn," I said to myself and rummaged through the dark corner of the bunker as the others slept.

I couldn't have. No, I'm not this forgetful. I pushed aside the last of my supplies, and I realized that I was. I had forgotten the bucket outside.

We were forced to use a bucket in place of an outhouse since J's home didn't have one. It had been my job to clean the bucket, as unlucky as that was. I was even unluckier to find that I had left it outside when I so desperately needed it now.

"What are you looking for?" Mat said and squinted his eyes through the dark.

"The bucket," I whispered.

"Didn't you bring it inside?" Evee said and turned to me.

"I forgot it, upstairs."

"Well, either hold it or go get it, geez." Mat said and rolled back into his sleeping bag on the floor, "You don't have to wake the rest of us."

I knew the answer, and it wasn't an agreeable one. I had never been good at just holding it, but I also didn't have to guess that J wouldn't want us wandering through his house at night. The pressure continued to gather under my stomach. I would have to get it myself, and just be quiet about it.

I pulled on my jacket, laced my boots, then unlatched the stairs that unfolded from the low ceiling of the bunker. Each step up the stairs was painful in the eerie silence of the home.

Through the dark halls, my stomach dropped with every turn as the shadows on the walls moved. It made me think I had been caught and each time the rush of relief only made matters worse. I quickened my steps.

I walked through the empty kitchen, unlatch the porch door and shut the door with such skill even my close ears didn't hear it locked. Outside, on the side of the home, the bucket sat under the hose dripping with water. Just where I had left it.

How could I have been so stupid! I couldn't help but think. Though it wasn't all my fault. If I weren't walking on pins in this house for every little thing, maybe I would be able to remember something. And what kind of a host doesn't have a bathroom?

I stood in the humid late night air and watched the stars sparkled behind the marble mountains. All this thinking was burning me up.

Taking no more time, I recovered the bucket and set back into the kitchen. Halfway towards the bunker, I sighed with another sense of relief. I couldn't be too upset. No harm was done and just as planned.

I continued down the hall but was stunned in place by a strip of light coming from a single room ahead.

That wasn't there before.

The pressure under my stomach returned. I looked through the hall, towards the kitchen then back again. There was nowhere else to go. I crept slower, thinking of as many excuses as my brain could come up with, which was few.

Maybe if I moved quick enough, he wouldn't see me. But it would cause a lot of noise. Slower, I just had to walk slower.

I continued to creep. The light of the room touched my arm as I stood against the wall and waited to move. A muffled sound came from the opened door and fueled me to sneak out of the light and closer to the lit room.

But I was not prepared for what was on the other side.

J was weeping into his hand and sitting at a small wooden desk half his size.

Along the narrow candlelit walls was a steel shelf and a single white-curtained window at its end. On the shelf were colorful toys of every kind. Toy cars, drums, and train sets. All broken, rusted and chipped beyond repair.

On the small desk, tools were neatly organized in a black metal box. And in J's hand was a little doll with red yarn hair and pieces of yellowed stuffing falling out its sides.

J rubbed the sides of the doll with his thumb, then kissed the top of its head, still weeping.

I gripped the bucket tighter, and its metal handle clanked.

J's head snapped up, his bulging eyes popped out at the site of me.

"What, what are you doing here!" he shouted and pushed up from his chair, as the wobbly legs dragged against the rough floor.

"I - I had to get the -" I stuttered and held up the bucket.

"You have no right!" J shouted and shook his finger at me, "No right to be here!"

I gripped the bucket closer to my chest. Its metal handle rattled as hot tears dripped down my cheeks and into my nightshirt.

I ran into the bunker and slammed the door behind me.

"No right at all!" J continued to shout from above.