X-Marks: Hiding Shadows

Needed

Solitude, that's what I needed.

At least that's what I thought I needed. When even my eyes were lying to me, how could I trust my own thoughts now? Maybe I didn't know what I needed. Maybe I didn't know anything at all, and that was okay. As long as I could be alone.

Behind the new supply home, a garden of weeds separated the house from the forest. It was a garden, as freely as you could call it one.

Patches of dull dirt surrounded me as I sat on the stone bench and held onto the bandage on around my hand. Maybe here I could make sense of this all.

How did I end up so far from home, so grown and so alone?

The ground stirred from behind. I jolted from the bench and raised my fists.

"I didn't mean to -" Nate said and held out his hands.

I let down my fists and released my held breath.

"It's okay," I said.

"When I didn't see you in the house, I got worried," Nate said and stepped closer to me.

"You did?"

Nate tilted his head to the side and turned back towards the back porch door.

"I didn't mean to bother you," Nate said and began to walk back into the new home.

"No," I said and moved over on the bench, "Come sit, enjoy the great view."

I looked out into the bleak garden and the gray fog that stretched over the winding hills in the distance. Nate sat beside me and joined in my laughter.

"I was going to ask, what made you come out here," he said.

"Quiet, I guess."

Nate ran his fingers over the weathered groves of the stone.

"I used to have a bench like this," he said and smiled with his rose-colored lips.

"Back with your family?" I said and stalled my words.

"We," he said as if he was correcting himself, "We used to have one."

I turned my body towards Nate.

"You don't talk much about them," I said, "Can't say I blame you."

"Guess, I just don't understand why sometimes," he said and look out into the fog with me.

"None of us do," I whispered.

I felt myself sink into the grooves of the stone.

Nate never ran from me. Didn't make me change my words, even when I meant them and often I did. It straightened my back to hear him and made the bruises on my arm a little less tender to be alone with him. To be understood.

"Evee," he said, the dark circles of his brown eyes like a pool of dark water, "There's something I've been meaning to tell you. About my family?"

"Yeah? What about?" I said and dangled my feet from the bench.

"Well, it's kind of -"

"Hey! We're starting dinner!" Valen shouted from the back porch.

"We'd better get in there," I said to Nate, "Before you-know-who gets to it first."

Nate laughed. I had many names for Mat. This was among my nicest.

"We'll finish talking later?" I said, still hungry for what he was about to tell.

Nate stood and took my bandaged hand to meet the bandage of his arm. He protected it from the broken railing as we stepped up the stairs of the back porch together.

I was right, and I was wrong. I didn't know what I needed.

I didn't need to be alone. I just needed a friend.