Degenerate

Chapter 10

The doctors saved him. They pumped his stomach, stitched up his cuts, and made sure to question me about the word written on his arm. I told them that Evan did it to himself.

His mom came. She looks just like him. I wonder how she would react if she found out I was the reason behind this episode. She'd probably kill me. She looks like she's been stressing and hasn't slept for days. Oh my god, she's walking up to me.

"Are you Derek?" She asked me. I nodded. "I'm Evan's mom."

"Oh." Was all I said. She stood there awkwardly before walking into his room. I could hear her sobbing and moaning 'Noooo' over and over. I'm glad there are chairs out in the hallway. I don't think I could stand to be in the same room as her. Even out here I'm about ready to hit her over the head with a chair.

When her sobs turned into little whimpers I walked into the room. She was sitting in one of the chairs by his bed. I sat next to her and stared at Evan.

He was pale and he almost looked dead. His hair was in his eyes. He hadn't had a haircut in awhile. He was breathing softly and his hands lightly gripped the sheets around him. He was only sleeping, if I wanted to I could wake him up right now.

But as he started to stir I realized I didn't have to do that.

He opened his eyes and I watched him take in his surroundings. He saw me and his expression changed to one I couldn't understand. He saw his mom sitting there in tears and the first thing he said was, "Where's Lauren?"

I'm gonna assume that's his little sister because she responded, "At school."

"What time is it?"

"10:21. It's Friday." It was silent. Then Evan asked a question that I was wondering the answer to as well.

"When can I go home?"

"Today. I'm gonna go get a doctor." Miss Thomas stood up and stood in the doorway trying to get a nurse's attention. Now I could talk to Evan.

"Don't snitch on me you little bastard." Was all I said. Hurt crept on to his face.

"Don't act like an ass to me. Because of you I'm gonna be stuck with your name on me forever. Because of you I'm gonna have giant scars on my wrists." He said. Wow, this kid was surprisingly confident right now.

"Um, actually, that last one was your own fault."

"Shut the fuck up, you ass." He snapped.

"We may be in a hospital but I won't hesitate to beat your ass or smother you with that pillow you're laying on." I wanted to slap him, so I did. He flinched and tears formed in his eyes. I couldn't stand this, so I left.

~~

Mom wasn't home. I don't know why. She doesn't have work right now. She's probably just at the groceries or something. I don't know why I even care where she is. It doesn't matter.

I just... I just don't want to be alone right now. I don't know why but the fact that no one is here with me is making my skin crawl. My stomach is twisting. I feel like I'm gonna cry and throw up and shit all over the place, all at once. It was a feeling I remembered and hated. Now I had to figure out how to make it go away.

I found the bottle of vodka. There was barely anything in it but I drank it anyway. It didn't help. Who am I kidding? It never helps.

I guess I could call someone. And I know exactly who can help take this feeling away.

Trey Morrison.

As soon as I texted him asking him to come over, he text back saying he'd be here in 15 minutes. While I waited for him to show I sat on the couch with my head buried in a pillow.

When he texted me to tell me he was here I could already feel myself getting better. As I saw him walk up my porch and into my house, the feeling from before was gone completely.

"What's got you wanting me so suddenly?" Trey asked. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and kissed his neck.

"You're lucky I even invited you." I said. I ran my hands down his back. "Did you miss me? I know you did. I see the way you look at me."

He squirmed a little bit when my hands reached the waistline of his pants. When I pulled at it he put his hands down to stop me. I was about to tug away from him but his voice stopped me.

"What's the deal with you and that kid?" Trey asked. I was quick to react since I went straight on impulses. I grabbed Trey's hair and shoved him to the ground.

"Don't ask me about him." I snapped.

"Sorry." Trey said in a whisper. I've only ever gotten violent with him once. That was when we first about to do it and he was too hesitant. No, I didn't rape him. I just thought it was dumb that he had been so flirty the whole time and suddenly was acting all scared. I hit him and he braved up.

No other time had I ever felt the need to get violent with him until now.

I didn't want him to even hint towards Evan. I don't want any mention of him. It brings the feeling back.

I let go of Trey's hair and he slowly got back up. I kissed him again. I just wanted to get to the good stuff. Trey was taking too long to get to each step.

Trey's skin didn't feel like Evan's. And when I kissed him his mouth felt empty. There were no braces. And he was bigger than Evan. I didn't feel like if I did something wrong I could just break him. Trey was stronger than him.

Everything about Trey was different from Evan. But that didn't matter right now. All that mattered was keeping that weird feeling from earlier away. Being with Trey was helping that.

I pulled away and put my forehead to his. I looked in his brown eyes and searched for the same glow Evan's had. It wasn't there. Trey only wanted my body he didn't want me. I may be mean to Evan but I could still tell he wasn't just in it for sex. He was blind to my hate and because of that he fell deeper in love with me everyday.

I kissed Trey again and then led him up to my room. When we were done I told him to leave. He didn't look hurt (if anything he looked angry), he didn't cry, he just got up and left.

As soon as he was gone the feeling came back. It was even worse this time. It was too late now, but I knew I had to see Evan tomorrow.

I went downstairs to get some food but someone stopped me. My mother.

"I heard you again. How could you do that to him?" She quickly spit it out as soon as she saw me. I shook my head and got my food, ignoring her completely.

"That's not nice at all. What will Evan think?" I'm trying so hard to find the words to describe how I felt after she said that. The best word I can come up with is deflated.

I went upstairs and tried so hard not to revert back to the person I was a couple years ago.