Care.

-Chapter 13-

04-31-18

3:03 PM

I haven't talked to Chasity or left my room in days. I can't go anywhere yet, and I'm too scared to see her. The bruises are slowly going away, but it's been 3 days and I'm still washing blood out of my hair. I'm shutting myself off slowly, I've missed so much school that I don't think going back will even benefit me anymore. I wouldn't be able to focus since I'll have countless pairs of eyes boring through me, wondering why I have so many injuries. All I do is lay in bed and feel horrible about myself. But that's what I deserve after treating Chasity like that. I deserved the beating. I deserve everything that I'm feeling right now.

I closed my notebook with a long, depressed sigh. I'd felt so worthless for the past few days that I just skipped all of my exams and layed in bed, sobbing. Chasity hadn't even tried to contact me since she left me mangled on my dirty basement floor. I felt my eyes flicker with excitement when I heard her text tone go off suddenly..

Chasity<3: We're on break. Don't even try to talk to me. Bye.

My hopes were shot down as soon as they were brought up. I'd hoped maybe she would realize how hurt I am and apologized, but she didn't. Anger and confusion clouded my thoughts as I realized she had no remorse for what she did.

What am I saying? I'm being selfish again. If I keep being selfish, I won't get anywhere with her.

I breathed in gently, closing my eyes and trying to calm down. I let my eyelids flutter open after a moment as I picked up my phone and unlocked it, starting with a response.

''That's okay, baby. Take as long as you need. I love you so much, and I won't hurt you like that again.''

Lies...All lies.

I had to read my reply over and over again, making sure each word was formed so that it didn't contain even a hint of aggression or hurt feelings. When I'd finally gained the small amount of confidence to send it, I pressed the button before I could stop myself and felt a pang of anxiety in my chest. Once the small rush of adrenaline started to die down, I let out another sigh, fiddling with a loose area of my bed sheet. My heart lurched when I heard her tone go off again, and I leaned over to look at how she responded.

I hope this works.

Chasity<3: What the fuck did I say, you pathetic bitch? I told you to not try to talk to me. Don't even respond to this text. I don't want to even think about talking to someone disgusting like you right now. Good. Bye.

The smoldering embers of anger flickered inside my veins, and soon spread throughout my body as a wildfire. Gritting my teeth and clenching one fist, I picked up my phone with my free hand and whipped it against the wall. I felt no emotions as it completely shattered against the wooden panel, the pieces skimming it for a moment before falling and clambering against the floor. Bits of technology lay scattered all across the planks, and it was near impossible to tell that this was once a phone. All I could do was stare, fists clenched, chest heaving. I realized, with a pang of terror, that she'll kill me if she finds out. But right now, I didn't give a shit. None of my wounds hurt anymore, I just felt empty and cold. Slowly, I let my hands relax into their normal stance, and burst into tears. Hell, I didn't even know why, I just started sobbing uncontrollably like the pathetic piece of shit that I am. Nothing can fix what I've done to her..

My body straightened as a thought flickered into my head, and I grinned widely.

Well. Maybe ONE thing.