Care.

-Chapter 11-

I woke the next morning with a groan, strangely remembering my self-harm days, and without even giving it a second thought I dug around in my droors for my old razor blades. My mind was bleak, but all I knew was I needed to find them. Panic began to set into my heart as I scattered my clothes in a flurry in search for them, and my vision blurred slightly as I got on my knees to open the second droor. Shirt after shirt, fabric slipped between my fingers with no trace of metal anywhere. That is, until I had reached the very bottom of the dusty wooden shelf. There, sat two glimmering, small blades, stained in old, crumbling blood. Without giving myself a chance to reconsider, I wedged it between my forefinger and thumb, then slashed across my left wrist.

''Khhh-!''

I gritted my teeth together and squeezed my eyes shut reflexively, breathing in sharply. Without even controlling myself, I made another slash below it. I can't stop, I can't stop.

Slash, slash, slash.

Soon enough, my entire left arm was throbbing and oozing with crimson blood. Straight, clean cuts were scored everywhere and blood began dripping onto my sheets. Then, I finally snapped out of it, and my frightened eyes widened and filled up with tears. All I could do was stare at them, watching dark fluid drip and create a black puddle in the crease of the bed sheet below it.

I realized I still hadn't replied to Jack, so I picked up my phone with my clean arm as I let tears leak freely out of my eyes.

I don't want to do this.

I typed in my password with trembling fingers, sobs shaking my shoulders.

Jack: Hey. You keep avoiding me literally everywhere, I've noticed. Are you okay?

I dropped my phone, cupping my tear-stained face in my hands.

He cares so much about me, but he's a hazard to my relationship..I can't anymore. Jack, I love you like my god damn brother. Please know that.

Exhaling slowly, I reluctantly forced out a sour response.

''I'm fucking fine, Jackass. Leave me the fuck alone, I hate you. I don't want you in my life. Goodbye.''

I swallowed hard, my stomach lurching violently as I hit send. At that same moment, I got a text from Chasity, triggering another painful shock to my gut.

Chasity<3: Hey babe. Hang out today?

I sighed shakily. My chest felt tightened and tense. I'm too afraid to say no.

Doing my best to keep up my happy, loving facade, I began typing a response filled with nothing but lies. I just want to make her happy...

''Of course!''

I don't want to suffer the consequences of saying no.

''I'd love to, I missed you since you left<3''

I felt relieved of tension once you left, as if a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

More tears ran down my soft skin as I hit send, my legs trembling with hopeless panic. I went back to the conversation between Jack and I, and saw a new text from him on my screen. I sighed and held my eyes closed for a moment, before letting them flutter open to rest my gaze on the words he'd sent me.

Jack: Fucking hell, Sam. What's gotten into you? I'm not giving up. I'm still going to try to be your friend.

Despair struck my chest, leaving my lungs writhing for a breath of air that didn't feel toxic. I don't want to wake up with bruises and torn stitches again...

I swallowed, and absentmindedly began responding bitterly.

''Dude. Really, I don't fucking want you in my life. Leave me alone.''

Before I could allow myself to think twice, I hit send and then quickly blocked his number. Sadness swelled in my heart, but I shoved it away, knowing I couldn't think about Jack anymore. I swiped back over to my conversation with Chasity.

Read 12:48 PM.

I blinked, then looked at the top of my screen. It's 12:54? I felt my eyebrows furrow slightly. Looks like she won't respond.

Oh well.

I shrugged to myself lightly, then went over to the conversation between Jack and I, and felt my heart sink when I saw the three pale dots bouncing consecutively, indicating he was typing. A moment later, a new message flashed before my eyes, but before I could read it I heard the front door creak open. Who the hell-

Terror struck my heart as I heard a voice echo through the foyer. ''Babyyy~'' said Chasity, the uninvited guest in my house. My eyes instantly darted to my phone. JACK. I heard footsteps slowly pattering on the wooden steps, and saw the top of her auburn hair. MY FUCKING ARM!

SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME.

In desperation, I darted around my room, searching for a sweater I could put on. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I felt two familiar arms wrap around my waist from behind me. I gulped, then slowly turned around, keeping my arm behind my back. ''H-hi, b-ba-babygirl.'' I choked out, feeling my cheeks grow hot. She looked into my eyes bleakly, cocking her eyebrow, but smirked a moment later. ''What's behind your back? Something for me?'' I flinched as she stroked the pad of her thumb against my unseen cuts. Her gaze suddenly clouded with confusion, and I felt my heart drop.

Just get through it. Try to reason with her.

''Sam..?'' She asked, anger beginning to take its edge to her tone. I swallowed as she pulled my arm out from behind me.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Just get through it.

A mix of horror and anger flowed into her eyes. Her gaze slowly moved from my arm to my eyes, and I stared into hers blankly.

''P-please don't hurt me...'' I whispered, trembling. This seemed to only enrage her more as her stare turned cold and fiery. All of a sudden, she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of my room. I gasped in pain as as she did so, squeezing more blood out of the gashes. ''P-PLEASE, CHASITY, I'M SORRY!'' I wailed. My voice was breaking and cracking, but I didn't care. I just needed to get away. I tried to slip my arm out of her grasp, but it only tightened, turning her knuckles white. Tears leaked out of my eyes as she screamed, ''SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU PATHETIC SHITHEAD. YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF.''

Before I knew it, we were in my basement. The uneven stone floors felt cold on my bare soles, but I didn't feel it for long as I was thrown to the ground. Before I could even comprehend what was happening, I felt her bony knuckles slam into my cheek. Blood flew out in front of my blurred eyesight as the side of my head crashed into the floor, and I could only assume the blood was from my nose. More of it dampened my hair, making it heavier as a fist clashed with my eye. I screeched in pain, trying to hold up my arms to push her off, but I was simply too weak. Fists pounded into my stomach, and I felt my stitches tear open once again. At this point, I couldn't tell if it was tears or blood running down my face. I couldn't even tell where she was hitting me anymore, everything hurt. ''Ch-Ch-Chas.......i-ity...I- can't...Br........breathe..'' I barely whispered out. Guess she didn't hear me.

Everything slipped away into a red haze, my lungs feeling as if they'd burst.