The Dark Web [ V h o p e +18]

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!!WARNING!!

If the title of the Chapter gives you a weird feeling, then I achieved my goal. ;-)

no just joking. The Chapter names serve the purpose to warn. If you find it disturbing or triggering, it's up to you whether you want to read. Just don't tell me I didn't want. ^.^

p.s. I'm not a native speaker. I would like to apologize in advance for the case I do mistakes.

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Jung Hoseok

"I think it's about time we talk about your dad."

I still gnawed on my nails and observed the rosé porcelain vases my psychologist had on her table. Wasn't that dangerous? If someone had a break down they might use it as a weapon. "You made an amazing process so far, Hoseok. But that's something we need to speak about so you can move on, one day." "I moved on, already." I mumbled and removed my hand from my lips. "You think you did, yet, you can't speak about it."

I took the half filled glass of water on the table and sipped it down.

"You think I'm unstable because of my father? I barely remember him. Whenever someone talks about their dads, all I see is nothing. I feel nothing. So it looks like I moved on." I argued and she suddenly took her reading glasses off and put her board down.

"In our first session your sister had told that you were abused when you were younger. On a trip to the mountains." I stood still and just hushed.

"And that the person who abused you was either your father or uncle. Do you remember anything of that?" She asked me and just now, when I tasted a bit blood in my mouth, I realized I was biting my lips the whole time. "Nothing. As I said. I moved on."                                               

"That's not moving on. That's suppressing."

I took a deep breath and shook my head. "How old were you when he died?" I did not reply and just wanted to get out of this room.

"It's enough for today. I want to leave now." I spoke out and without letting her stop me, I grabbed my jacket and ran out of the room. I understood docs, surely they wanted to repair the broken deep roots from the past, but If I suppressed my memories about my dad, or that weekend, It had a great reason. Why would I want to think about it? Sometimes I did look at myself in the mirror, seeing the light bruises which won't fade. I did wonder, how and when and why. But I rather wanted to avoid letting these memories go through my consciousness.

When I opened the apartment door, I smelled the delicious chicken rice my sister must have cooked. I went into the kitchen and saw her putting two plates on the table. "You are back already?" She asked me and she could see from my facial expression that I was not in mood explaining why I left the psychologist too early. "Let's eat something. I come in a minute. I have to change my clothes." I nodded and saw her rushing into her room, on half way removing her pullover already. For some reasons I stood up. And I knew I shouldn't have done that. But I just did, without thinking about anything. Before I could think properly about what I was doing, I stood at her door frame already. The door was half opened and I could see through too well. My eyes mustered her long thin legs and I got a weird feeling in my stomach by thinking about how wrong It was to feel something by looking at your own sister. I swallowed hard and wanted to leave already, before she would see me peeping.