Love is deaf • Meanie

I Can't Help

Wonwoo couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned on his bed like a ship at sea. His bedcovers were either too cold or too hot, no inbetween, and everytime he closed his eyes he felt wide awake. These were the nights he wished he still had Mingyu by his side.

The notebook had put him into a violent mental conflict. It had helped him remember why he fell in love with Mingyu in the first place but also why it hurt so much to love him now. Wonwoo didn't hate Mingyu for what he did, nor did he dislike him, he was just disappointed and that was so much worse.

Wonwoo thought, as he pulled his covers up to his chin (the air had turned icey cold again), that maybe Mingyu was having trouble sleeping too. The heavy bags under his eyes and the way he stood behind the counter at SVTea made it obvious he hadn't gotten much sleep since he kissed Joshua. If he called him right now there was a possibility he would pick up. They could talk, sort things out, fix it all. Then Wonwoo remembered how horrible he felt when his heart broke; as if a bullet- no- an entire canonball had torn through his chest, the way his lungs throbbed and stomach churned and how he felt as if he was about to throw up. He never wanted to feel that again and if that meant no Mingyu then he was fine with that.

However, a tear stung in his right eye and Wonwoo realised that he was wrong. He would never be fine without Mingyu.

The notebook sat on his bedside table taunting him through the dark. He wanted to burn it yet keep it safe and treasure it as if it were a ruby. He watched it lay idly and rubbed his eyes hoping no more tears would fall. The clock above his bed read 4.40 am. Wonwoo had work tomorrow.

He pulled the cover over his head and willed himself to sleep. After another hour of restlessness and a few more thoughts of Mingyu he drifted off.

-

Wonwoo finished work at 5, an hour before SVTea closed. He had brought the notebook to work with him and the parcel Mingyu had given him too. He hadn't looked inside of it in fear it would bring back a memory he wasn't prepared to remember. Once he had signed out and waved goodbye to Seohyun, Wonwoo took a taxi across town to the little coffee shop with a handmade open sign.

Seokmin was sitting in his spot by the window opposite Joshua who was smiling, it made Wonwoo feel sick to the stomach and warm with anger. How dare he be happy when Wonwoo was not. He sighed away his clenched fists and shook his head, now wasn't the time to cause a fuss.

Mingyu was sitting at the counter staring at an empty table across the café. Wonwoo wondered what he was thinking about, maybe it was him. He opened the door and the bell that he couldn't hear rang above his head. Joshua looked his way and Wonwoo sent him a stare that said "Fuck you" in the harshest way possible. Mingyu noticed and might've smirked but Wonwoo couldn't tell.

"Hey," He said as Wonwoo reached the counter. His eyes were sad even though he was smiling.

"Hey," Wonwoo replied. The atmosphere was awkward and painful so Wonwoo dumped the notebook and parcel and the counter to fill an upcoming silence.

"Did you-"

"Yeah, I read it."

Mingyu sighed, possibly out of relief or probably because Wonwoo clearly wasn't there to forgive him.

"You know you hurt me..." he continued.

Mingyu nodded and frowned.

"And I know you still love me," Wonwoo bit his lip, "and I love you too. We had something so precious, you know, I'll never forget that. But you're a fucking idiot."

Wonwoo's voice cracked and Mingyu immediately stood up from his seat and hurried around the counter to give him a hug. He was wearing a grey jumper, it smelt of his soap and was soft against Wonwoo's cheek.