Love is deaf • Meanie

It'll Kill Me But I Love You

Wonwoo stormed out of the Mingyu's bedroom and towards the front door. He didn't want to look back and he tried so hard not to but when Mingyu ran behind him and called out his name he couldn't help it. When he saw the tears streaming down golden skin and the whites of Mingyu's eyes turned red he felt his heart break all over again. But he had to stay strong. You should never pity the hunter.

He slammed the door on the way out and took the stairs. He heard Mingyu sob on the other side; loud and broken like the beating of his heart. Wonwoo's stomach clenched as if two arms had wrapped around his torso and squeezed the life out of him. Nothing could fix what had just happened. Mingyu's lips will always stay stained, Wonwoo's heart will always stay broken.

He ran home with a mixture of snot and tears across his face, looking like a total wreck but he couldn't sobbing. No matter how long he held his breath or how tight he shut his eyes the tears kept falling like a neverending storm. Then he burst through his front door and threw himself onto the sofa. Thank God he couldn't see his painted wall through the moisture in his eyes because seeing the two roses intertwined that Mingyu had painted for him would only make things worse.

He cried until he felt he couldn't cry anymore. For some reason his mind wondered to the countless dates Mingyu had taken him on. He remembered the time when Mingyu took him to an arcade and taught him how to use the pinball machine with his body pressed against his back and arms around his waist. He also remembered their date to the cinema in which Mingyu found a screening that showed subtitles, just for him, they didn't watch much of the movie though and instead spent more time kissing on the back row. He loved Mingyu, not only because he made him happy but because he cared more than anybody else ever had. To find him in the arms of another was so shocking Wonwoo didn't know how to deal with it.

Ages ago, when Wonwoo's hearing fully deteriorated he was in school. It was first period and his class had just sat down on the carpet infront of their teacher ready to start the lesson. He had sat next to Myungwon, his very best friend at the time, and quietened down to start the lesson but the teacher didn't seem to speak. At first he wondered why she was staying so silent and why none of the other kids had started talking either but then he saw Myungwon raise his hand to answer a question. He looked to the teacher and her lips were moving but no sound was coming out. Then all the other kids stood up to start the lesson's activity and Wonwoo just sat there crying. He had lost his hearing and was completely clueless. His little heart broke that day.

Wonwoo felt as if he was reliving that moment again; living his life without a problem in sight when suddenly something dreadful happened that took everything away from him. Without Mingyu he was trapped in the silence of his own mind again. All the wonderful sounds he made that Wonwoo loved would no longer be there to make him feel normal again.

-

"And then you left? Just like that?" Soonyoung was in Wonwoo's living room on the sofa as Wonwoo sat silently on the coffee table infront of him.

"Yeah." Wonwoo sighed and moved to the sofa next to his friend.

"And how long ago was this?" Soonyoung was getting a lot better at sign language now, Wonwoo could understand everything he said.

"Two weeks ago." Wonwoo knew one thing for sure: he never wanted to see Mingyu again. He knows it would hurt too much. His perfect cracked lips and sparkling eyes would only bring back memories of something he would kill to forget so he declined all his calls and locked his front door hoping Mingyu would give up trying to apologise eventually. He didn't need to hear a sorry to know that Mingyu felt guilty but words just can't fix this. Nothing can.

"That's rough. I never expected that of Mingyu."

"Nor did I. I guess that's why it hurts so bad."