A Better Love The Sequel

You Don't Love Me and You Don't Need Me

January

It has been a week since I found out about Amber and everything else. I just can't believe this shit. It is like I have so much going on and trying to sort all this shit out is giving me a headache. Every since I left Que that evening to go talk to my father and brother things have been off with Que and I. He really hasn't talked to me other than to speak and that's it. I can understand why he is acting that way but I just don't want him involved because  they already tried to kill him. I just feel like I can handle this on my own. Well I need to handle this on my own because for so long I let people run over me and make me run in fear. I just wish that I could make Que understand that. I know things are really going to go south when I tell him that I have to fly back out to LA to handle some business. All this shit is just crazy. I was currently downstairs and was about to make my way upstairs when Que came downstairs.

He had is dreads pulled back in a ponytail and he had on some black basketball shorts with a black tank. He was allowed to take his arm out of the sling for a few hours a day and he currently had his arm out of it. I nervously bit on my lip because I knew that I needed to talk to him but I just didn't know where to begin. I was actually afraid of the end results because I knew that right now he was feeling some type of way. I knew that I needed to suck it up and just say what I had to say.

"Que can we talk?"

"Oh now you want to talk." He said while folding his arms across his chest.

"Yes I want to talk but before you say anything just listen to me first."

He looked at me and then nodded his head as if he was saying okay.

"Que there is so much shit that is going on and so much that I have found out. It is just so mind blowing to know that people you thought you could trust you can't. There is always someone trying to take me out or those that I love out. All this has me on guard and I am standing my ground and I am not backing down out of fear. I did that for so many years in my life and now I will not do this anymore. I refuse to do so."

"Jan I hear you talking but you still ain't telling me what is going on. I feel like I deserve to know what's going on. I mean I am your man right? Or has something changed in the last month that I don't know about."

"Baby listen I just want you to trust me and know that I am just trying to look out for you. And yes you are still my man."

"Dammit January! What the fuck? Have I not been there and stood by your side no matter how bad the situation? I have never judged you are made you feel less than a woman. Baby whatever is going on just trust me enough to tell me." I love you with every breath I take and with every beat of my heart." He said while coming close grabbing both my hands while looking deep in my eyes.

I broke away from his grasp and turned my back because I just couldn't tell him not now because I knew that because of what happened in the past, he would stop me before I even got started and that is not what I want.

"Que I can't tell you nothing other than what I already have told you. Just trust me please!"

"You know what January, you are really being selfish right now. What effects you effects me too. What is so bad that you can't tell me or should I say what you won't tell me? I have been patient and understanding but for what? I don't know what the hell is going on and frankly now I don't give a damn."

"Que Please try to understand."

He gave a humorless laugh and just looked at me as if he hated seeing the sight of me in that moment.

"How the hell am I supposed to understand when I don't even know what the fuck is going on? I lost you once and I feel like now I never really got you back. It feels like I am losing you all over again. Hell what else you gone tell me, that you are leaving."

When he said that I couldn't even look at him because guilt was all over me. It was as if I had drowned in it.

"Wow, so I guess I was right you are leaving. How long you gone be gone this time? January I am so sick of this shit. I love you God knows I do, but I have feelings and my heart is not your personal punching bag. Yeah I'm in my feelings but dammit I'm human and I am a real man. Tell me January, how many men you know would have stood by you the way that I did and the way that I am trying to now."

I just looked at him with tear filled eyes before saying anything.

"Look Que I do have to go back to LA for a couple of days but I am coming back. And I value what we have and the man that you are. I love you so damn much that it scares me sometimes. Again just know this is all out of love."

He didn't say anything. He stared past me deep in thought. His silence and the way he was looking was starting to scare me. I wanted him to say something. I wanted him to say he understood but I knew that was a dream that wasn't going to come true.

"You know standing here listening to you has made me come to a good conclusion."

"What conclusion is that Que?"

"You don't love me and you sure as hell don't need me. You got everything figured out and you got it all under control. So I tell you what, go ahead and handle your business and I am going to handle mines."

"Que what the hell does that mean?" I asked with fear laced in my voice.

"January it means that when you go and come back I won't be here. I need time to think and reevaluate some shit. I thought there were two people in a relationship that trusted each other no matter what. Whatever is going on has got you fucked up. It has this relationship fucked up, but you so caught up in the extra shit that I don't exist."

"Que that's not tr-"

"No January save it. Just go handle yo business because you don't love me and you don't need me." He said walking out the door.

"Que! Que!" I said yelling as he walked out the door slamming it.

I leaned you against the door as tears rolled down my cheeks because all I could hear in my mind is the words that Que said, You don't love me and you don't need me.....but I do love him and I do need him....