Shades Darker | BWWM

Broken Pieces ✨

He gives it a squeeze as the memories in my head play out. It's like I can feel the exact same emotions I felt back then. The anxiety, nervousness and wishing that what ever happened wasn't as bad as it seemed only for it to be the worst thing that I could ever imagine.

"We ran home to find ma on the couch crying with my Auntie holding her. We turned around and there he was" My voice struggles to stay strong and my heart feels like it's shattering all over again.

"Kendra you don't-"

"No" I interrupt him.

"Please let me finish I need to tell you. I need you to understand why I am the way that I am"

He stares at me with sympathetic eyes and I try to continue. At first I didn't feel anything but soon I felt everything. Every emotion he could possibly imagine hit me all at once and I felt like my entire world was crumbling.

"He was gone just like that" I tell him with the snap of my fingers. There was no reset button and everyday I woke up thinking that maybe it was all a dream, but it wasn't. It was cold stone reality and I couldn't change a damn thing.

"He died in the middle of the street with no one by his side except a crooked cop who thought his life wasn't worth shit" My voice comes out shaky and broken.

When they trial came they acquitted him of all charges. He was exonerated and walked free while my dad's blood stained the concrete. From then on I realized the truth and that truth is it's a dangerous world for people who look like me. We're always targeted and killed and there is no justice for us.

There was no justice for him.

I lift my hands to my necklace and trace my fingers over it. Cole watched me with a pained look on his face before wrapping an arm around me pulling me closer to him.

"Do you see now? Why I treated you bad in the beginning, why I treat all of you so bad?" I question him. There really is no other way to explain this so I need him to see. I need him to see who I've become.

"Do you see who I am?"

He nods his head but a part of me doesn't think he does. I think he's just telling me whatever I want to hear. "You don't understand do you?" I ask hopelessly.

"I do understand"

"No you don't, you'll understand" I say in a barely audible voice while putting my face in my hands.

My cries become louder and soon I feel two hands around my wrists pulling them apart. He takes my chin in one hand and lifts up my face so that I'm looking directly at him. "I understand you and I see you okay?"

My bottom lip trembles a little. "What do you see?" I ask.

He presses his lips into a line before closing his eyes for a half second. When he opens his eyes their trained on me and only on me.

"I see a girl whose been through so much. There's been so much pain that it's burned a hole in you that you just can't seem to fill. So the only thing you can do is fill it with anything you can hoping that the pain will just stop for a minute."

His voice is full of emotion as if my pain mirrors his own and his words hit me in ways I didn't think they would. Not only that but of course as always, he's right. I do need a minute where I'm not thinking about how much I miss. Where I'm not hurting at the thought that I'll never see him again or hear his voice. The thought brings even more tears out of my eyes and I feel them drip down my cheek.

"I'm broken Cole" I confide in him.

"I feel like there's a piece of my soul missing and I don't know how to fix me. No matter what I do, or say or try and hide it there is no escaping this feeling that I have."

I've felt so many emotions these past few years and I had no way to process them. So instead I turned into the very monsters I hated and I hate that about me. I never want to be one of those monsters.

He wipes away the last of my tears and I have to say sitting here with makes me feel a whole lot better. Even though we're not talking I realize that we don't have to. Just his presence is enough for me.

We sit in silence, me looking at him and him looking down at the carpet. He begins biting down on his lip and I can't help but stare; I feel an irresistible desire to kiss him. I've been staring at his lips all night. Memories of how soft they are come to mind and all I want is to feel them on me again.

I make the bold move of curling my hand around his neck and leaning in so that our foreheads are touching. As I run his hair through my fingers he snakes his arm round my waist pulling me closer to him.

Even though we're both not talking I sense he feels the same way that I do, he's feeling the same longing that I am.

"You're not broken" His voice is low and husky, almost like a whisper. His breath hits my skin sending chills down my spine as he moves hairs out of my face.

"I know for a fact that if your dad was here he'd be proud of you" He shares a small smile. "I'm proud of you" My inner desire to kiss him grows and without wasting another second I connect my lips to his. His grip on me instantly tightens as I give everything that I have to him.

My fears and doubts.

My broken soul and shattered heart.

Everything that I could possible feel and do feel.

I give it all to him.