Speed of light

Trouble Hart

Maya's P.O.V

In week!
I'll see Riley , I owe her an apology

I'm back to being the real me

The new old Maya thing only lasted for a month

But what happened in that time was something

I started hanging out again with Renee and Carla they were no good for me and pushed me to do bad things , we vandalized not just parks but bigger and riskier places

School got bad , Mr. Smith was no help teaching us "The real life" I know we are old enough to know what really happens in the world , and I know, the world is too sick , that's why we need to hear happy and hopeful comments once in a while.

I drifted away from my friends. That hit me

And Josh well he calls sometimes and, every time he mentions the long game but sounds annoyed or bored , not in the way that he wants to end the long game and really date, It's more like wanting to end with the whole thing.

And at home it didn't get better , my parent's phones were full with school calls and they surely weren't congratulations for being the best student , my grades were low as Riley's cheerleading skills and I started to feel guilty , mom worked and works very hard to raise me and give me a nice life , and Shawn took me as his own daughter, and how am I thanking them? By acting out

And I feel guilty for letting Riley down, I know she is going through hard times and instead of being there for her I'm here causing trouble, that's another thing, all those years that she helped me be a better person and instead of being grateful and doing what she expected to keep being my true self, I changed myself and went back to Carla and Renee who threatened her,my Dorothy

And not only was I disappointing them , I was disappointing myself , I was hurting myself, I didn't want to be a bad person, I wanted to be better , to feel good about myself , powerful not because I break a window , powerful because I fix a window.

And I want to be happy and I'm going to try and if it doesn't turn the way I expected at least I'll know that I tried and life will go on. (Enter titanic's music.. jk I'm sad just thinking of it )