Chasing The Beautiful

Live Life to its Fullest

Hazel was still crying beside my bed. I look up to Max who was staring at Hazel. He then looked at me, I kept staring at him wondering if he was going to tell me what agoraphobia is. Hazel brought her head held high and looked at me, "the doctor... the doctor told me that you started panicking at the concert... the concert... because you have agoraphobia." Hazel started crying all over again. "Okay? I would still like to know what that is," I said still confused.

I look at Nathan and then at Siva, "can someone tell me what that is? It doesn't sound too bad, since 'phobia' just means the fear of... right?" They all nod, "it shouldn't be that big of a deal." "Are you guys stupid?" Hazel said a little irritated, "agoraphobia isn't just a 'phobia' but it is also a disorder... A panic disorder. Meaning that she can't be in big crowd where there is no way for her to get out of it." "But you can get it whenever. Right? So how would I know? It just started... I'm guessing, but I didn't even know what was going on," I explain to her and everyone else in the room. 

The doctor came in to see how everything was going, "you're parents are here to take you home now."

I tilted my head in confusion, "parents? I have parents? Then why am I living with Hazel?"

The doctor looked behind him looking at the couple that are standing outside, "well you are 18."

The couple comes charging in, "what was so important that my daughter had to be put into the hospital?! Do you know how much it costs to take you into the hospital?!" The woman looked at the doctor and then at me. "Are you my mother?" I ask her still not recognizing her. "Oh, don't even act like you don't know who I am. I am the one who raised you!" She shouted. The doctor looked as surprised as I. My mother, that's what I was to believe, was turning red, "you should feel ashamed of yourself for putting me and your father into this situation." My eyes were wide in surprise, "ashamed?! Why would I feel ashamed?! I fainted! And apparently, out of nowhere, I have some sort of disorder-" I look at Hazel to hear what the disorder is. She says "panic disorder." "A panic disorder! Probably because of you! I don't even know who you are!" I shouted at her out of anger.

My father - so to speak - was speechless and had a bluetooth in his right ear ready to take a call for work just to get away. I look at him "Aren't you going to say anything?" I asked trying to find some sort of sympathy. "Your mother is right" is all he had to say. "So I am being yelled at for having a panic disorder?" I look at them to see if I was right. They looked at me like I had said it in the most crucial manner they have ever heard of. My mother stomped  her feet like a little 5 year old and stormed out the door. My father still stood beside my bed and looked at me one more time until his phone rang. I let out a tear. My father left without saying another word to me.

I looked at the doctor, "next time, if I still don't remember my parents. Don't let them in." I look away from the doctor. I am furious with the way my own mother had just yelled at me. I don't even remember her. I just remember living with Hazel. But from what had just happened I don't think I want to remember what had happened in my past. Tears started running down my cheeks. The doctor left and the only ones that had stayed this whole entire time was the Wanted and Hazel. Hazel wasn't crying anymore, "wow. I haven't seen you cry in ages." I laugh a little bit. They all stare at me in silence waiting for me to say something. I thought about how I can be from that woman. I'm sort of glad that I don't remember my childhood. It must've been a rough 18  years.

The more I thought about the more I cried. They all sat on my bed including Hazel. I asked Hazel first, "did I actually..." I choked up and wanted to cry all over again, "live with them?" Hazel looked confused at first, "Oh your parents? Or should I say those 'animals'?" She laughed, "well you did for about 10 years old, until your mother slapped you for being a 'brat' which you weren't. You never were... or are. You were always respectful and kind. So, one day you ran away. Which, wasn't like you at all. None of us knew where you were, but it wasn't like your parents cared too much. Your father, who is a man of a few words - unless it's for work - called the police after 24 hours to go searching for you. Unfortunately, you were caught and taken to your house by the police." Hazel paused to see if everyone was following along.

"Where was I then?" I asked her.

"Well, you were on a bench at the MAX-train station, but that's besides the point. You were taken into custody for a few days, but you still had to go to school. And I, like always, was your best friend shortly after that. You had told me everything about your family issues. Luckily, you are the only child or  my mom wouldn't have taken you into our family. So, I guess you could say that we are family, but you refused to change your last name 'Lee' because it rhymes with your name. Ivy Lee, see? I love your name too."

I'm amazed by how much she knew about me and my family history. I can now see why she is my best friend, or more like it, sister. I smiled at her, "thank you then." She waved her hand in front of me, "you need  to stop saying thank you. Ever since my mom had taken you in, you have said nothing but 'thank you' to us..." She looked out the door, "I need to go to the bathroom." She smiled and walked out.

I closed my eyes for a few minutes. All of a sudden, I felt something silky smooth on my lips. It felt... smoothing, and comforting. I didn't dare to open my eyes, afraid of letting go of that kiss.