Weird Dear Evan Hansen One-Shots!

The Monster That I Knew

I bit my lip. "At first it will. A lot actually. But then it will make you very calm. And loopy. Sort of like being drunk. That's your body overdosing you on your natural pain killers or something. I don't know. There's a reason I'm not in your AP bio class."

"Umm-"

"Just hum the alphabet or something and you'll be fine. Should probably help with your anxiety."
He played with the hem of his shirt and stared at my boots. "O-okay."

This is why I asked Evan. He is very likely to surrender to peer pressure. (I already mentioned the a**hole thing.)

"Great." I put my hands on his neck and he flinched at the cold. "Sorry."

I used my pointer finger to trace a nice, juicy vein on his neck.

He flinched again.

"I'll do it on five. Okay? One, two, five." I said before puncturing Evan's soft flesh with my sharp fang.

I had no regrets as I sucked the smooth, red liquid out of my classmate's neck. (I think this sentence really supports the reason why I named my book what I did.)

"Ow! That- ow! Son of a-" Evan's whispered profanity was cut off by a fit of giggles. No, not laughter, giggles. Yeah, he was so cute it actually hurt.

I finally let go and licked my lips. "Thanks Ev, you good?"

"Hi Connor!" Evan cheered way louder than I wish he did. "My neck hurts!"

He was literally bouncing up and down.

Just then the bell signaling the end of school rang.

"Evan do you think you will be okay enough to walk home?"

"Sure Con!" Evan cheerfully grabbed his backpack off the ground and slung it over his back. Then he grabbed his jacket off the ground and attempted to put it on over his book bag. "Connor! It's not working! Connor! Help! Connor! My jacket doesn't fit!"

I face-palmed. "Here Evan, you have to take your bag off first." I helped him unslung his bag and put on his coat.

"Thank you Con-Con!" He giggled and waved before proceeding to walk into the stall door.

"F***." I muttered under my breath. "Come on Evan, I'll drive you home." I unlocked the stall door only to watch him fall forward and then catch him at the last second.

"Hold on Ev." I reached into my bag and pulled out a warm, grey scarf and tied it around Evan's neck.

"Why do I get your scarf Connor?"

"To hide the bite mark." I explained as I put my hand on his shoulder to steady him.

I led my classmate down the almost empty hallway and to my car.

I helped buckle him in (because even Vampires believe in driving safety) and then hopped in the driver's seat. "What's your address?" I asked, starting the engine.

"21, Oak Street! Hey Oak rhymes with smoke! Which is what your car smells like! So in a way, Oak kind of rhymes with Connor; if you think about it all scientifically. I like science. I like trees. Hey, want to hear me list every kind of tree I know?"

"Knock yourself out."

"Okay, so first there's maple trees. Then there are ferns. I like willow trees because they are pretty, like you Connor. They have these droopy leaves that sort of look like your hair but less brown. Connor can I tell you a secret?" Evan whispered the last part.

I was blushing profusely and trying to keep my eyes on the road so he couldn't see. "Sure."

"You're prettier than a willow tree." He said and then started to giggle like a six-year-old.

When I pulled up in Evan's driveway I helped him out of the car and into his house.

"Evan where do you keep your first aid supplies?"

"In the bathroom cabinet."

I got up from my kneeling position once I finished pulling off his shoes.

"No don't leave me! You're hair is too fluffy! I don't want to be alone!"

"I'm just going to get something for your neck. I'll be back in a minute."

I walked into his bathroom and found some hydrogen peroxide and and bandage.

"Here Evan." I went back to the couch Evan was lying on.

He immediately sat up. "Who are you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Your boyfriend."

"Oh! Wait I'm gay?"

"You've clearly never been intoxicated before. My only relation to you is you is being in your English class"

"Connor! That's a bad word."

I unraveled the scarf from around his neck and started to suck the excess blood from off his skin.

"Um Connor, I forgot, what does intoxicated mean again?"

I bit my lip to stop the smirk from crawling across my lips. "It's an ice cream flavor at A La Mode."

Evan nodded.

"You can't order it without showing your ID." I felt him jerk as  I cleaned out the wound.

"You make up a lot of funny words. Are you sure you're my sister?"

"Positive."

I put a large bandage over the bite mark and put the supplies away.

"All right, well I guess I'll be going now. Thanks for the blood O Positive, I mean Evan."

I started to reach for my backpack when I felt Evan lunge for my leg and hold on for dear life...mmm deer life...sorry.

"No don't go Connor!"

"Evan I have to-"

I was cut off by the sound of him hysterically sobbing. "Nooo! Don't leeeaavvvee!"

"Evan, dude you're delusional and-"

"No! There's a monster in my closet named Carl and he's going to kill me with math tests!"

"Fine Love." I sat down on his couch and he slid next to me.

He leaned his head on my shoulder. "Connor?"

"Hmm?"

"I think I love you more than trees."

The kiss was a little awkward, but it was the best moment of my 3,897 year old life.

THE END