Irresistible (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

55: Last Words and Happy Tears

(A/N: This one is a bit emotionally heavy people. Read with caution. Enjoy.)

Trying to remember what it feels to have a heartbeat.

I've been playing his lyrics, all the ones I can remember anyway since I listened to his album.

Of course, he hasn't let me have the iPod back again so I can listen to the rest of them. At first, I thought it was because I just about sobbed through the first half of the album so I told him I'd keep that all in but that wasn't his reason.

Apparently, there won't be any more tears.

Well, he doesn't remember how emotional I got when he sang From The Dining Table for me... there will be more tears.

According to Harry my reaction to the next songs will be the complete opposite of tears and he wants to be there to witness it. Harry is firm in his choice to make me wait until he shares it with the family and I'm annoyed.

We have both made a complete 180 and it's painful. I'm suddenly willing to share with him and he's taking it away.

How typical.

The art that he has created is so diverse and touching and it holds such meaning not only for him but for others. It has this ability to relate to anyone. Harry wrote them with his experiences in mind but they can reach out and touch others and their experiences in the exact same way... I want more of his music.

In retaliation, I was going to take the book away from him but Harry's hidden it from me and won't give it back until he's finished... cheeky arse.

Needless to say, with no album to listen to and Harry reading, I've had a lot of time on my hands and in the last two days, I have found such comfort in just sitting outside and simply being.

This is what it is all about. Sitting among nature and thinking about anything and everything.

Sometimes taking a moment to recharge and live in the moment is the best medicine and I need that right now. Even though about half of my time is spent worried about what Harry thinks of my story.

He hasn't come over and said it was unreadable so that's a relief.

For the last two days, I have woken up to an empty bed. Harry and I would go to sleep together and then at some point early the next morning he would go off and read. It's not a terribly long book but I guess my wordy tendencies leads to an extra long time reading.

I just want him to enjoy it, I don't care long it takes... even if I feel like I'm about to throw up everytime he walks in thinking he might be ready to tell me what he thinks, only for him to sit down next to me and take a little nap on my lap as his family and I sit around drinking tea or watching television.

Of course, it doesn't matter what we're doing my mind is always only on one thing, the boy with his head in my lap and what he might be thinking even if I couldn't relax the entire time he was in that position.

Anne would always smile at me and make a comment about how hard he works or how much she likes having him home which helped with the anxiety a little bit it's still a little bit awkward. Put Harry reading my book on top of that and you've got yourself a Mia mess.

That's it, I need him to finish... I don't know if I can take this stress.

In other news, my final gift for Harry arrived yesterday. Anne joked how I should just move in because of all the specially delivered post I have been getting and Harry jumped all over it.

It's like he wants us to live together or something.

Oh god.

Anyway, Monica really came through for me. What her sister did to the photo I took of Harry as he performed for me at Abbey Road is truly amazing. She not only drew this amazing charcoal sketch of the photo, seriously she got the rings on his hand and the curls in his hair perfectly, but also printed and framed a print out of the original photo for me so I can give one to Anne.